INTERLUDE
by Rufferto
Summary: FINISHED! The Many Trials Endured in the Tower of Cirith Ungol. H/C No Slash, No rape, Yes Violence. No sex. R for dealing with the aftereffects of Torture. Someone cared for him, just who was it?
1. Just Let Me Die

INTERLUDE  
  
DISCLAIMER : Tolkien Characters are owned by Tolkien. I'm not going to be making any money from this.  
  
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This is a story about Frodo when he is in the Tower of Cirith Ungol.   
  
This is a tale about someone who was captured many years ago and takes care of Frodo so that the Orcs can get information out of him.  
  
No, there won't be any torture scenes. This is a psychological tale. Some violence, and illusions to what might have happened, but there is NO rape and NO slash..  
  
Please Read and Review  
  
-Thank-you-  
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CHAPTER ONE -- Please, Just Let Me Die  
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He lay on the cold stone floor and I stood there watching him after climbing the long stairs to his cell. I hadn't seen anything quite so pathetic in a long time...even when I looked at myself in the mirror. How many years had I been prisoner here? I couldn't even remember it had been so long since I had seen the sun against my face. Perhaps twenty years...maybe more. I'd seen many prisoners come and go, and a great deal of death and pain. It was more than a miracle that I had survived, but I was an elf. My name? Who cared any more in this world? Who really cared. It was highly likely that I'd be here for many many more.  
  
I looked at the shivering creature, it was a halfling, from the Shire. I sighed, they wanted it to survive and had ordered me to care for its wounds so that they could interrogate it. I referred to other prisoners as 'it' because it was easier for me to deal with. I knew...knew that I'd be here for many more years until such time that Mordor was defeated...if ever. I knelt down by the shirtless creature and turned him over.  
  
It whimpered softly, and moaned. And suddenly, as I turned the prisoner. . .its tiny fingers closed around my wrist.  
  
The halfling's eyes were squeezed shut, but it had been drawn to my warmth, I suppose. I studied the small frame, amazed that it had come this far….and still lived. It was so frail and drawn. I had carried a bucket of…mostly clean water with me and a few small rags. They had also given me some bandages, but that really wasn't going to help much. I had a few herbs I could mix up with the water and apply to the wounds to clean them. The guard that had come with me lounged against the wall and licked its lips, watching us. I averted my gaze, knowing that they reacted to confrontation and at the moment, I had no use for that.  
  
There was a red swelling, dark and necrotic in places, at the back of his small neck: Shelob's bite, of course. His left shoulder bore signs of an old wound, and I shivered as my fingers brushed across it. Most acutely in need, though, were the whip-weals. . .a long, ugly one ran up his side, and clearly he needed tending lest those areas become infected. He seemed exhausted: spent physically. . .and more, in fact: as if he had been drained of all will to live, driven into pained, sorrowful resignation to some dark fate. . . .  
  
I knew that no matter what I did now…they would continue to break it. At least…at the very least I could ease it's suffering. It's eyes fluttered open and I was struck by how terribly blue they were in the darkness. It gazed at me hopefully, then it shivered and remembered where it was. I don't know how it could have even seen that I was much different than an orc. I don't remember the last time I bathed…or when my hair had been combed or my clothing different from the tattered grimy dress. I had forgotten how to smile, so I merely looked down grimly at it.   
  
There was no pillow to rest its head, and I had no real words for comfort. I turned it so that its head rested in my lap, my hand trembled for a moment as it rested in the halfling's thick curls. His eyes were still open, staring at me. I tried not to let them get to me, the fear and pain that I saw within was unlike anything that I had ever encountered in the Tower. It wanted words of comfort, it wanted me to hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay. But I knew it wasn't. They would be coming back for him in the morning. They had more questions, I'd heard the guards say.  
  
"Who are you?" the halfling gasped after I pressed a bit of water to it lips. "What do you want?" It shivered…and I knew from touching its forehead that it had a raging fever, and from the glazed look in its eyes it was likely suffering from delerium. Shutting out the reality of its situation, no doubt. "Please…don't hurt me…" it grimaced as I began to clean the wound on its side and cried out sharply in pain.   
  
"It does not matter who I am." I shrugged, it really didn't, I told myself. "Just relax." I spoke in the common tongue for elvish was as foreign to me now as it would have been to one who had never heard it. I wished I had something to give him, but there was nothing but the clensing herbs. Words of comfort…I don't remember them…not since the last time I saw Mirkwood. I frowned at myself, it did no good to think about the forest, for it only made things worse for me.  
  
The orc guard noticed that we were talking and garbled something in a growl over at me. I glanced at him and sighed. They wanted this to be quick, but I knew I was going to need most of the night. "Karkosh." I spoke the name and bile rose to my throat as it always did when I tried to communicate with my captors. They were odd creatures, orcs, filled with contradictions and tormented by their own demons.   
  
It shambled over to me and peered at the halfling, who cowered in terror. "Karkosh I need tonight to deal with the wounds." I tried to explain in a careful slow tone.   
  
"Don't have night. 2 hours. Master wants him." the orc gurgled a gutteral laugh. I shivered, and for the first time I felt pity for another prisoner in many years. "Has things to ask."  
  
"It's not ready." I responded, gruffly. It was the only way to have a conversation with. "Its got fever. Won't be coherent. Master will get nothing from him, only wasted time and put him closer to death. Tell him I make him better, easier to get answers from. But give me 24 hours. Go…Ask."  
  
"Why should I?" The orc shrugged. "Here to guard."  
  
"Karkosh, what am I going to do? Jump out the window with it? Go tell Master!" The only way to deal with an orc was to act superior. Even as a prisoner, I did have more standing than most. I did what they told me to do, because otherwise…I shut out the memories…"Go." I snapped harshly.  
  
And the Orc backed down, but not before shoving its fist into my face, a friendly way of leaving. My head snapped back but I held my ground. It laughed, a gurgling sound that always made me sick to my stomach. Respect…the only way to get it was not to let them break you. To stand your ground. I stared back at him, unblinking. "24 hours." it nodded and began to climb down the stairs.  
  
Once we were alone, I bathed the halfling's face instead of just tending to its wounds, knowing that would at least bring down the fever. "He's gone." I soothed, though my voice was rough and hard.   
  
"I'm Frodo…" it whimpered. "Please…" it gazed up at me and clutched my shoulder with its tiny hand. "Please…Let me die." it begged softly. "I don't want to go on…I failed…everything is over…I can't face anyone…not after…Just…let me die."   
  
"I don't know all of what they did to you, little one." I spoke finally in a softer voice as I tended to his wounds with the meager selection of herbs at my disposal. "I know what they are capable of." I winced as it cried out once again when I tried to clean the wound.  
  
"Are you an elf?" it asked, its fingers falling from weakness to the floor. It stared at me with its expressive eyes, great pain lay within, greater than that which resulted from the torture.   
  
"Yes." I responded as gently as I could manage.  
  
"Where are you from?" The creature called Frodo was trying to get its mind off the pain, I knew.   
  
I took a deep breath and then realized that no matter what I did, this was the first time I found myself actually caring about another prisoner. It was drawing out something that had been locked away for so many years. Locked away and hidden. "Mirkwood." I supplied with a little frown.  
  
"Legolas….Legolas is from Mirkwood." Frodo tried hard to supress another cry of pain. "Do you know him?"  
  
Do I know the Prince of Mirkwood. Silly creature. I sighed and closed my eyes trying hard not to let an image of Legolas and home rise to my mind. A home and face I would never see again. I had accepted that. I would see generations of orcs, but I would never see my home again. "I…." I did not want to answer, because that would bring back memories I didn't want in my mind just now. "I know him."   
  
Frodo was now gazing at the rose shaped birthmark on the inside of my wrist, I think perhaps it might be trying to remember something about me. "How long have I been here?" it asked timidly, its eyes were haunted with pain and memory.  
  
"A few days." I told it gently, dabbing at the wound that was already beginning to infect. "Not long."  
  
"How long have you been here?" it winced.  
  
"Longer than you want to know, little one." I shifted a little and gazed at the window while the herbs set in. Would they give me the 24 hours I needed? Doubtful. They knew I could heal their prisoners, that was why I was here. They wanted the little one coherent and able to answer questions. I wished there was a way to spare him that, but there wasn't it. Either way…he would be in pain. I stroked the side of his cheek absently and it seemed to comfort him to a degree that he snuggled against my lap. I stared down in some surprise. He was like a small child…though I knew he wasn't. I began to bandage the wound on his side tenderly.  
  
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To Be continued…Well…What do you think? Please R&R.J 


	2. Feeling Again

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CHAPTER TWO -- Feeling Again  
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I blinked at myself because I had just referred to it as 'he'. I sighed a little, it was never good to get attached. I usually never saw them again. I made that mistake once before with someone who had been captured with me. They were now dead. I gazed down at the helpless creature. He should -not- be here, this halfling. There I did it again…my hand went to his curls and stroked the top of his head gently. He murmured in his half-delirious state. He was burning up, and it was unlikely he would be coherent even in twenty-four hours.  
  
I swallowed, cleaning its face, the creature was rather beautiful with high cheekbones and slender limbs, not much of a hobbit, I'd say. Too thin, for one thing. I began to bathe and tend his other wounds one by one, and at every touch it shivered and flinched, crying out in little pathetic whimpers.  
  
"What's your name?" The hobbit begged me suddenly, gazing up at me. I don't really know what it was seeing. Maybe it was just happy I was not an orc. "P-Please…I want to know…"  
  
"…." I did not answer right away. "I don't think you need to know. It does not matter." I shook my head at it and continued with my work. One of its' tiny hands was trying to touch my arm, but it was very weak, and it was a half-hearted attempt before it fell back to the floor and it sniveled a little.   
  
"Why are you helping me?" tears were building in its eyes as it looked at me, trying to find some kindness in an unkind world. Helping it…I had to suppress a laugh. I was helping my master…not it. I was … making it so that my master could continue interrogate the small creature. I was not helping it, and it was far too innocent to understand.  
  
"It is what I was told to do." I shrugged simply, finding it hard to keep my eyes from looking at his.  
  
Hope was fading from its eyes, I could tell. It knew that I was another prisoner, but it had been wishing that it was somewhere else. The hobbit closed his eyes, shutting out reality. I think it finally began to understand a little. I was not its friend, or its mother…or someone there to take care of it. I was simply there to dress its wounds. I don't think that the hobbit had ever had such an experience.   
  
"It burns…" Frodo moaned as I packed the herbs against its wound. There would only be more tomorrow. I sighed. "I…I'm afraid. C-cold…Very cold…" The hobbit knew that words were not really of any use right now, but it spoke anyway. "I never thought it would come to this. I-I don't h-have the c-courage. I just w-want to do die." it shivered. "I don't w-want them to t-touch me again. Please…take me away, or kill me…or just let me be…let me die…I can't bear for them to touch me again…"  
  
The pathetic sound of its pleading was making me wish they had chosen someone else. Elbereth only knew…I stopped myself…Elbereth had abandoned me long ago. Why was I thinking about her now? I bandaged the wound . I saw the bruises forming on its ribs and sighed. Cold and wasted…that's how I felt after all the years I had been here. I was no person to care for such a small delicate being. I had long since turned from the light that had left me alone.  
  
"I can't let you die." I did not speak its name, nor did I try to comfort it. If I did…it would all be lies anyway…The hobbit would face more torture and worse things tomorrow at the hands of my master. I was a prisoner and a slave…there was nothing I could do. "I can't tell you everything will be alright. Because it won't be. Its going to get worse."   
  
Immediately I was sorry, for there was such pain Frodo's eyes that it nearly caused me to feel for the small creature. I had not felt sorry for anything in many years. I had not cared about anything in many years. I tried hard to steel my heart, but when the tears spilled over his eyes and he looked away into the darkness in despair I found my hand once again stroking its curls.   
  
"Elleth…" Frodo turned back and looked up at me. "Thank-you…for being with me…e-even…if…Even if y-you don't really want to be." The hobbit gulped a sob back in its throat and buried its face into my lap, wincing in pain and sobbing. The creature's shoulders shook with its wrenching cries and I knew that it wanted to be held and rocked and soothed. "I w-want to g-go home." it whimpered.  
  
I cleared my throat, and for the first time since even before I was captured, I began to care. My hands trembled as I lifted up the frail creature and gathered him into my arms. He fell into them eagerly, clutching his arms around me and crying softly. I stroked his hair and did not speak, rocking him gently in my arms. I had given him 24 hours of freedom from pain…but that would not be enough to help him live. I doubted…doubted that he would live through another session with my master regardless of how much I was able to heal him..  
  
"My name is Merilas"  
  
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	3. Only a matter of time

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CHAPTER THREE -- "Only a Matter of Time"  
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"It's a pretty name. What does it mean?" he murmured as he kept his head buried against my shoulder. I continued to bathe him with the meager supply of water that I had. I knew not when the last time he had eaten was, but hazarded a guess that it had not been in the last couple of days. I was also not certain how long he had been here. And…I was starting to refer to him as a 'he' in my mind. I was growing attached, and even slightly that was a bad idea. I had tried to get him to drink some milk but he would not keep anything down. Not surprising…it was straight from the cow, and not entirely appetizing. It was either that, or the orc's idea of wine. Perhaps though…getting him drunk might help him deal with the pain.  
  
Smart Hobbit…he knew that all elvish names held meaning in them. Mine was rather simple…and quite common at that. "It does not mean much, little one. In your tongue I suppose it would be Rose." Common enough, but I was surprised to see the tiny smile begin to form on his lips, then fade when he remembered his situation.  
  
I had asked Karkosh to give me his gourd of wine and surprisingly enough the orc had complied. I had a feeling my master had told him to do what I asked. There was a certain amount of prestige in being a favorite. I grimaced slightly. Though it was prestige earned only from surviving. They had captured seven elves from Mirkwood that day, and I was as far as I knew anyway…for I had not seen any of the others after the first year…the only one left. Unbidden an image of Legolas rose in my mind…and a quiet evening in the glades. I pushed it away.   
  
Frodo clung to me and would not drink anything. He kept his eyes closed…I think he was imagining that he was somewhere else. In fact…I'm sure of it. He was still hot, and I mixed a few of the herbs with the wine in a small tin cup. He shook his head fervently when I tried to coax it in him. I knew I was starting to care…he was a 'he' now. I set the cup down for a moment and then soothed him a little by rubbing his back gently.  
  
"I think Sam's going to marry a lass named Rosie when…if…we get home…" he sighed, "Dear Sam…I hope he's okay…do…" he looked up at me, blinking away tears. "D-do …have they captured him too? P-please…you must tell me. N-nobody said anything. They…-they just asked me questions…"  
  
"Is Sam a hobbit like yourself?" I asked gruffly.  
  
"Yes…A bit s-smaller." he shivered again.   
  
"You're the only hobbit here." I told him.   
  
"I need…" he choked out, "I need the r-ring…" he whimpered deliriously. "It c-calls…W-Where is the Precious? They ask…I don't k-know… I don't k-know. Its gone…I c-can't tell them anything." he shivered and I wished I had a blanket, I unwrapped a tattered, grimy cloak from my shoulders and enclosed it around him. The shivering became less…but still pronounced. He began to cry again. "It h-hurts…hurts…" he then looked up at me again. "Merilas…h-how…how did y-you come here?"  
  
I didn't want to remember, and I certainly did not want to tell the hobbit. He was far too curious for one as well, perhaps that is what led him to be captured. I was saved perhaps, from speaking more about it for someone was coming through the trap door.  
  
"I thought you had been here longer than a day…but I'm sorry…its only been about 12 hours, Karkosh told me when I got the wine from him. They have only tortured you once. Karkosh said there was a big fight over your things…" I stopped talking when the trap door opened.   
  
Frodo was giving me a terrified look. As the orc became more visible, I saw who it was and grimaced. Snaga. I hated him more than I hated any of the other guards for he had done more to hurt me than most. It was only because I served Shagrat, the Captain of the Tower that his underlings did not touch me anymore. I was his … reward for services. I shivered. The chains that linked my ankles together scraped as I rose and Frodo noticed them for the first time.  
  
Snaga approached us and dragged the hobbit to his feet by the hair. "Shagrat wants this one."  
  
I leapt to my own feet. "No…no you must not take him. If you question him again…he will die and you won't get your information." I cried out trying to wrestle the hobbit from the orc.  
  
Snaga spat, "Stupid she-elf." He shoved me back onto the floor and slung Frodo over his shoulder like the hobbit was no more than a sack of potatoes. "Time's up."  
  
"But he said I could have 24 hours…"  
  
"No time. ." Snaga gave a nasty sneer in my direction. He carried the hobbit away before I could do anything and tears sprang into my eyes. Frodo had looked like he was going to pass out, and that was probably a good thing. If he did…perhaps death would come quickly for him.  
  
"Are we staying here?" Karkosh asked me. He was a little confused, his orders had him to remain in the tower room, but he was not so sure about me. I decided to take advantage of his confusion…because…they would bring him back…and then…if he was still alive…I nodded.  
  
"We stay here."  
  
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	4. A form of mercy

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CHAPTER FOUR -- A form of Mercy  
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When they brought him back this time, he was completely naked….alive, but barely. It was three hours later and Karkosh and I were prepared with a blanket and more water. Snaga looked at us in disgust, and especially at Karkosh. He dropped the hobbit on the floor, bleeding and unconscious. At least he had that. I sighed looked at Snaga, "How long this time?"  
  
Snaga's lips curled. "Shagrat says no more than 12 hours. Make him coherent. Doesn't say anything. Stupid hobbit-scum." the orc kicked at the small body, then trudged over to the trap door and left.  
  
Once I was sure he was gone, I moved over to the fallen creature. He lay on the floor…curled up into a little ball. I knew that he was conscious, he was just not showing it. I didn't want to even think about what they had done to him. I unfolded the thin, partially clean blanket and draped it over him, wrapping him in it. "Frodo?" I eased him up off of the floor and settled his head in my lap. I touched his forehead, it was even worse than before.   
  
This time, I'd make sure he drank the mixture. I put the small tin cup to his lips, and had Karkosh open his mouth. He struggled a bit, but I poured the liquid into his throat and the orc closed his mouth so he couldn't spit it out. "Swallow." I urged him. I knew he didn't want to, but there was nothing for it. He tried to hold it as long as he could, but eventually he did swallow…he whimpered and forced his eyes open. He stared in fear at Karkosh and then fixed his eyes on me. The orc let go of his jaw and he gasped for breath. "Don't make us do that again." I warned him.   
  
Frodo nodded, and closed his eyes again, shutting out the world around him. He could barely move without wincing. I sighed because the bandages had all been removed. How could I heal this one if they kept hurting him? I brought the mixture once again to his lips. "You must take all of it. It will help with the pain." I assured him.  
  
He at first shook his head, but when he felt Karkosh's fingers on his jaw he blanched and shrank into me. "N-no…I'll drink it…" he shuddered. The orc let go and he opened his lips timidly. They trembled, and I saw a little trickle of blood from an open wound on the side of his lips and a bruise was building there. I frowned a little but he had to drink the entire thing. I helped him and though it took him some time…he eventually took the entire cup. There was no food…but with the herbs in that mixture it was a little like broth…it would sustain him.  
  
He blinked at me a little dizzy from the effects of the wine. I was not surprised, he would be more than a little tipsy. The alcohol in Dragonsblood was rather potent. It would make it easier to deal with his wounds without him in pain every time I touched him. "Merilas?" he remembered my name. I was rather surpised at that. I nodded and he snuggled against me. Surprised, I stared down at him in a bit of amazement that he could still act like an innocent after what he'd been through.  
  
"Yes." I said simply. It was not a word that held any comfort in it, for still it was hard for me to try and comfort him. I didn't even know if they would give me the 12 hours Snaga said. Sometimes…they liked to play games.  
  
He smiled slightly, a action that faded as quickly as it had come then his eyes closed again and he began to speak. "I--I never thought to get this far...Is this what they did to Gollum?…I feel like…I'm losing my mind…" he shifted a little as I began to bathe him with the clean water. This time, I bathed the worst of his wounds first. I did not know how long we had. "Sometimes…I think I'm back in the Shire…or in Rivendell….Merilas…I know where I am…" he licked blood from the side of his lip and I moved to dab at the wound there. "P-please…tell me…tell me something that will take my mind from this place…Please…" he opened his eyes and looked up into mine. It was a mistake to stare at him for he was really quite endearing.  
  
"I don't have any tales, Frodo." I shook my head. I did not want to remember my home, or the past. It did no good for me and I had to think of me. For how many days would he live under torture like this? One…maybe two? Three at the most. He was not that strong.  
  
"Please…" he begged softly, tears springing into his eyes. He needed release from torment, I knew that, but I did not know how to give it to him. "I-I don't want to think…tell me…something…anything…"  
  
"Alright, Frodo. But its not a happy tale…" I sighed. I knew I was going to regret this, but I supposed that perhaps it would help him. As I bathed and tended each of his wounds in turn I spoke of an elleth who once lived in Mirkwood.  
  
"Anything w-would be better than what…what is in my mind right now." he curled up and listened quietly. "I will even…d-drink more of that...awful stuff…"  
  
I nodded for Karkosh to make another mixture. He often was in my presence and though we had our difference he was genuinely interested in herbs and had been some help for an Orc. As he prepared another cup I cleansed the small hobbit as best I could and began my tale.  
  
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	5. Bartering

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CHAPTER FIVE -- Bartering   
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"It was many years ago. I don't really know how many, I've lost track of the days. I was raised and lived in Mirkwood in the court of King Thranduil. I'm not going to bore you with a lot of the details, but I will tell you how I came to be here, and perhaps that will put your mind away from your own problems." I stroked his hair while he sipped at the wine, grimacing at the taste, but I knew that whatever it took for me to continue the story he would do. I had bade the guard to move away, for he was frightening the hobbit, despite the fact that he had not laid a hand on him.   
  
I wrapped the blanket a bit snugger around him and pressed a grimy cool cloth against his forehead. "I doubt that you have been there…it is nothing like Rivendell, and you mentioned that. But I will not go into descriptions. Let us just say it is more pleasant than here. " Did my eyes deceive me or was the orc listening. The creature met my eyes in challenge and I continued the story. I knew that he was listening too.   
  
"I suppose it was my fault really, I had insisted on being in the hunt for the White Stag that night. But we had no idea what shadows were lurking in Greenwood. I was a spoilt one you know, always getting what I wanted. I was the youngest, and they all felt obligated since my father and mother had already traveled to the west. Legolas let me go on the hunt, but not without an escort. "  
  
"You -do- know L-Legolas?" Frodo was still cold, still shivering, but his eyes were fixed on me now, bright and shining with tears.  
  
"Hush now, drink."   
  
He blinked, a merciful haze was developing in his vision and he was going a bit numb. I saw that he was feeling the effects of the alcohol but I did not stop with the tale now that I began it. I knew that the potency of the drink would help him forget what he went through.  
  
"Yes." One of his wounds had begun to bleed again and I wished I had something to stitch it with, but I was limited in my means. I took to cleaning it once again, and fortunately the alcohol made it easier for him to endure. He shivered a little, and I looked at the Orc for a moment, debating whether or not the big creature would give me his coat if I asked him. Nope, if there was one thing I knew about Orcs, they were particular about their possessions, he'd never give it up. Maybe if I bartered for it…  
  
"Karkosh…" I paused in the tale a moment, Frodo whimpered a bit but I put my finger to his lips, this was important. I dug my hand in my pouch looking for something…I had a crude bracelet that I had once taken from the body of a Orc who had died in one of the guard scuffles. I was all of a sudden reminded at the number of bits of jewelry that my master had 'given' me and touched my hand to my face. I lifted my hand up to my nose, where three were already fastened, arranged artistically to the color of the jewels within them. They weren't gold…but a crude copper metal, like the rest of the jewelry he forced on me. I grimaced a bit and took a deep breath. "Come here."  
  
He came over with a questioning look, and crouched down. Frodo shivered and cowered a little as he stared at the creature in fear. I lifted the bracelet from my pouch…it was a shiny copper with little spikes on it I saw Karkosh's eyes light up when he looked at it as the spikes were shaped like skulls. He reached out his hand but I pulled it away. "Trade." I pointed at his coat. He rose and walked away, I waited. Then he looked back at the bracelet. I knew he was trying to figure out if it was worth it. Orcs weren't -that- bright. Finally, he shrugged and nodded, removing his very smelly…but warm…jacket. I gave him the bracelet and he wandered back to the wall to sit down and peer at it with a creepy looking smile.   
  
I shook the coat out and laid it over the Halfling with a satisfied smile. His shivers began to cease a little and he gazed up at me hopefully for the rest of the story. He was starting to think again. I reached down and let my fingers run through his curls soothingly. "There now, better?" he nodded somewhat dizzily.  
  
I tucked the coat around him securely, though he wasn't at all pleased by the smell…or the feel of it. Never mind, it would keep him warm. He sipped a bit more of the drink, not quite grimacing as much…he was obviously beginning to get used to the taste. I tried to smile…but it came out very faint. It seemed to comfort him nonetheless.   
  
"Then I will continue with the tale…"  
  
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	6. Memories of a Midsummer Tragedy

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CHAPTER SIX -- Memories of A Midsummer Tragedy  
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I stroked Frodo's hair as he finished the drink and then nestled in my arms. "As I was saying…I was a spoiled one. Everything I ever wanted was given to me. I know I don't look it now…but I was once very pretty, and you might not believe it but my hair was soft and my skin fairer."   
  
"I think you were." Frodo looked up at my eyes, and I could tell he was not looking at the rest of me. I sighed, he would likely die within the next couple of days. He certainly would not be able to handle much more of this. I did not smile, but continued in my tale.  
  
"This tale begins in the summertime in Mirkwood…."I began as I took a cloth again and dabbed his forehead and cheeks with it, for he still burned, and the herbs had yet to work their way through his system.   
  
"P-please…continue." he cleared his throat and coughed miserably. He closed his eyes and buried his face in my lap, listening. His breathing was erratic…and he gasped a little but when I tried to give him more to drink he shook his head and begged me to go on.  
  
"It all started during the Midsummer Revels, I suppose. We were not really paying a great deal of attention to what was happening on the borders of Greenwood. The group of us had wandered far from the festivities. There were other, more serious things to deal with. I as usual was there only because the King commanded Legolas to take me. I was…tagging along I suppose. I should have been, but they were often hard pressed to keep me behind. " I closed my eyes for a moment and sighed, I really did not want to remember this…but the hobbit wanted a tale. I glanced at the Orc who was still turning the bracelet over with his hands curiously.  
  
"You know….I'm not all that good at telling tales…But…" I stroked his hair and his breathing seemed to relax a little, the drug was taking effect. "We were walking…" I smiled, remembering the night air. "Legolas was silent as he usually is, he never did have much to say, but I could tell he did not want me there. I was inexperienced, and would probably prove a hindrance the following day. Still…he had to put up with me.   
  
"Legolas' I asked him, "When are we going hunting? We've been going through the forest for half a day now." We were stopped at the time, the group of us were resting and I was wanted for action, not sitting around.  
  
"Merilas." Legolas finally responded to me. "It will take us one more day to reach the edge of Greenwood, where the glade that the stag retrieves water from is. I told you this was going to be more than just a day trip."  
  
"But I want to go hunting -now-." I was adamant, I was bored…and this was not entertaining me. I was the only female elf present in a group of older hunters. There were fifteen of us all told. Not a big group, but not a small one either. I leant against a tree and crossed my arms.   
  
He seemed to glare at me. I could some times never tell when he was really irritated...or amused by my lack of experience. "In the middle of the night…on your own?" he raised an eyebrow at me.  
  
"Well of course not alone, you'd be with me."  
  
Legolas laughed, a silvery tone that always irked me. "I'm resting, Meri, and you should too."  
  
"Hah. You're just afraid that I'll be better than you." I skipped away, we knew otherwise of course, but I wanted him to come with me. I didn't really want to go scouting about alone. And anyway…I wanted to talk to him about what happened at the dance the night before."  
  
"What happened then…?" Frodo stirred, curious eyes blinking up at me. I could tell he was trying not to go to sleep…scared of what he might wake up to, I supposed..  
  
"Well Frodo…twas the revels and all. We danced, nothing more…but I had thought something had…occurred." I shrugged. "I was younger than he…much younger…still am…and I expect just my imagination. But I had wanted to talk to him anyway." Finally he sighed and picked up his bow.  
  
"You're not going to leave me alone until I agree to go for a walk are you?" he shook his head when I smiled in response and we walked away from the group.   
  
"Legolas," I looked at him when we were out of earshot. "Do you like me?" I was always surprised at how direct I was. It came from knowing that whatever I wanted I had to ask for…or make sure people knew what I wanted. And I wanted the truth.  
  
He stared at me for a moment, and crouched down, studying the area. I thought he was avoiding looking at me, but had I been a little more experienced I would have known what he was doing. "I like you well enough." he responded. His voice held an edge to it…he sensed something.  
  
"But…yesterday." I insisted. My voice was still normal, though his was somewhat hushed. He rose and looked at me.  
  
"We should get back to the camp."  
  
"But I want to talk to you…" I frowned.  
  
"We can talk there. Come on now…" he took hold of my arm…It was then I saw the look in his eyes. I mistook it…of course. He was afraid for me, it was worry…for someone he cared about. I thought it had meant something entirely different so I threw all caution to the wind…and that's what distracted him.   
  
Frodo turned a bit pink as and then settled down a bit afterwards when I did not go into detail about the sweet encounter. I surmised that he was not experienced in such things.  
  
"Yes…I threw myself at him and kissed him. Well…he had danced with -me- after all. I still think of it today and wonder what I was thinking. That's how they caught us. But you know what…Frodo? It was worth it…for a moment there…I was sure he loved me. ..but the orcs…they were already upon us. The others were drawn to the sound of Legolas fighting. I don't…I don't really remember much more of it. The last thing I do remember is the look in his eyes when I was lifted up by one of the creatures. He tried to get to me. I guess he must have. All I knew was that that day ended my life…seven others besides myself were captured…and I was responsible. Had I not…been so entirely self-absorbed, perhaps my life would not have come to this. I…well….maybe this would not have happened. I was…the first little while was as painful as you are going through now…but…I soon got used to it. They took me from place to place until I was given to Shagrat. I suppose…they must have looked for me. But how would they find me? I…" I noticed that Frodo was gazing at me…his eyes were filled with tears as he listened to the end of my very short tale. I was never any good at telling them and I felt bad for the small hobbit that I knew nothing more than pain. "I spent my time here…well…surviving you could say. I suppose I felt I owed it to the seven who were killed because of me."   
  
He reached out his tiny hand and grasped mine with it. "You did not know…" he whispered softly, perhaps he had experience with such things. "You sound…like Pippin…" he coughed. "Like Pippin did when Gandalf ….when Gandalf d-died." he blinked back tears. "Don't blame…yourself. I'm…g-glad…that y-you lived. That y-you are here. Thank-you…" his courage…even in the face of death…made me blink a little. He was holding on by a thread….though all he wanted right now was to pass into oblivion and not feel any more pain. He bore a terrible burden for one so small. My story perhaps…had given him a bit of courage. I think he may be fancying that his friends would rescue us. I remembered those dreams…long in the past.  
  
I felt his forehead, checking his temperature…he was still hot, but the chills had subsided a little. The alcohol and herbs were working its way through his system and soon I'd have to give him another cupful. He would start to feel the pain again. He began to cough pathetically, his little body shaking with the effort of it.  
  
I shivered myself, for it was cold in the tower and drew him close in my arms. It had been a very long time since I had allowed myself to care again. Since I had remembered that day.  
  
* * *  
  
  
  
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	7. A Nightmare into a Nightmare

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CHAPTER SEVEN -- A Nightmare into a Nightmare  
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Frodo whimpered as he shifted in my lap. The hobbit's fever was running high, and I had been worrying that he wouldn't wake up. He'd been sleeping for an hour now, and I knew that he was troubled by nightmares and terror. He began to thrash then, flailing about with his tiny arms trying to stop whatever was happening to him. I was trying to cool his forehead and cheeks with the water to soothe him but he began to get violent, striking out. "Karkosh….hold him…"   
  
I was surprised at the strength of the hobbit, and he cried out when he realized that the Orc was holding him. "Calm down Frodo…its only Karkosh." But that was no comfort, he trembled and shrank away. Finally, he was coherent again, and I bade the Orc to move away. He grunted and shuffled back to the corner. Frodo's eyes were wide open, bright and blue…he stared at me in fear…not recognizing who I was and scrambled away from me before I could stop him.  
  
He huddled against the wall, blankets having been thrown aside. He stared at me in pain, misery and fear. Whatever he had been dreaming, the alchohol had not been enough to make him forget. He stumbled slightly, for still he was in its effects. He wrapped his arms around himself and sank to the cold stone floor. "D-don't touch me…" he begged. "I-- can't b-ear to be touched." he stared at me wild eyed.  
  
The Orc was far less touched by the tiny creature and he leered at him. I rose, chains clinking in the dim light. I expect…that I certainly must have looked like an orc at first. Especially when one comes out of a nightmare where they are all around you, for I felt sure that was the hobbit's problem. I glared at Karkosh warningly and he sneered back at me. "Why fix it? Its beyond aid. Just stupid Shire scum. Use it, and leave it." the Orc's voice ground out. "It don't know anything."  
  
"Because Master says to." I reminded him. I approached the cowering hobbit and held out my hand like one might to a frightened little dog. "Its alright Frodo." I crouched down . "I'm not going to hurt you." I cooed gently, rubbing my fingers together in a rythmatic gesture.  
  
"Stay back!" The hobbit howled and looked around wildly for something…anything to defend himself with I supposed. He was rather a site to see…tousled curls falling into his eyes, wracked with pain from the weals that cut into his delicate skin and bruises…there were many of them. I frowned slightly, but then tried very hard to smile as best as I could. Sweat was trickling down from his hair and he was beginning to shiver violently again. I had to get him back into the blanket.  
  
"Frodo." I soothed and cleared my throat…trying to bring a gentle quality to it. I began to speak a little in elvish...a tongue I had not spoken since the first year after I was captured. /Its alright/ I spoke quietly, softly, /I'm a friend, Frodo/ I assured him. /I will not harm you/.   
  
Karkosh was staring at me, for I was speaking the 'forbiddon' tongue. I didn't care, who would believe him anyway, he was not high up in the chain, and Shagrat knew I had ceased to care.   
  
Frodo stared at me suspiciously for a little while, breathing in short little gasps. His hand flew up to his neck and he trembled, remembering where he was and what was going on. From one nightmare to another. His shoulders sagged and he let me approach. He did not resist when I lifted him up in my arms and slowly carried him back to the blanket, wrapping him in it as well as the bartered cloak. He whimpered and kept his eyes open. I told Karkosh to make more of the brew as I worked at the sweat on his brow. "Merilas.." he swallowed and finally managed.  
  
"Yes….Its alright Frodo. It was just a dream."   
  
He shivered despite the warmth of the wrappings. "I…they…were…" he began to cry, burying his face into my lap once again.   
  
I knew what he was talking about because I had born witness to torture in the past many times. Shagrat's way of…breaking me. He was always rather amused that my spirit held through it, for I would never let him see me cry. Even when they began to disfigure my face and body with ornaments to 'show who I belonged to', he put it. He also knew that it would make me less inclined to try and escape, for what part of Elvish Society would I fit into now? Ugly and misshapen….having born the years of service as a slave. My life with Shagrat was in fact better than it had when I was first captured. He at least claimed me as his own, and though I knew one day he would die and I would be given to another at least for some time…it was easier. If I could even call this easy. I did not hold out hope to be killed…or released. I simply lived. I survived in hell. It was all I really could do.  
  
I spent a lot of years studying their Shamanistic ways, which had amused him. It did give me a bit of prestige over the other prisoners. I had proved my worth. I was a slave…there was a difference between a prisoner and a slave. Not much of one…but a difference nonetheless.  
  
"Meri…please…tell me I dreamt that…that…" he blinked up at me and I saw the terrible agony in his eyes and my heart lurched a little. I wished I could…but I would be doing him no favors, he had to learn to deal with it if he was to survive. I had my doubts that he would though. He was too frail…and the fever was not helping.   
  
"Drink." was my only response as tears sprang once again to his eyes when I did not tell him what he wanted to hear. "It will help the pain as it did before." I took the cup from Karkosh and coaxed it into his lips.   
  
He complied weakly…there really wasn't anything he could do about it. He knew that we would force it into him one way or the other. /Can we escape? Please…help me out of here…/ he begged me gently, and to my surprise…he spoke elvish.  
  
"No." I refused to reply in the same tongue, bringing more tears forward. He wanted comfort…not reality. "My place is here." As pathetic as that sounded, it was what I had come to accept.  
  
His lips trembled as he looked at me, and I frowned a little for I saw something in his eyes I had not expected to see. He was pitying me. Our situations were so drastically different and yet…he felt sorry for me. For all the years I had been here. For what I had come to. He cared. He truly did. I looked down at him for a while trying to sort out my feelings. Was there anything I *could* do?  
  
"I'm sorry Frodo." I shook my head, and laid my hand against his forehead. "There's nothing I can do."  
  
He turned away then, gazing at the darkness. 


	8. Something to Hold On To

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CHAPTER EIGHT -- Something to Hold on To  
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He was finally well and truly drunk. It had taken longer than I expected. Perhaps…had he been stronger it may have taken many more cupfuls of the potent alcohol. He gazed up at me with his large eyes, they were the brightest blue I'd ever seen. "I feel strange…" he admitted, I knew he couldn't feel the pain he had felt earlier, but that he was definitely feeling the effects of the liquor. "Like… my head is filled with cotton…its nice…kind of…I can't really think…"  
  
One more blanket…I wished I had that, but I didn't. He was still feverish and chilled, though not quite in so much pain. "It's the mixture Frodo…its meant to make you feel better and think less."   
  
He had at least stopped crying. That had really been getting to me. I had wanted to shake him or something, he needed to accept his situation and not languish in self-pity, it was the only way he was going to get through it. He needed to be strong, and find something to hold on to. If he didn't…he'd never survive longer than a day. I returned his gaze as it had become more intense...fixed…like it was focused on only one or two things instead of a jumble of emotions that he couldn't get a hold of because he did not want to deal with them. He licked his dry , bleeding lips.  
  
Karkosh brought me some broken up lembas to feed the hobbit. It was his suggestion really, the orc was somewhat good for something. Frodo grimaced when lembas was mentioned, but it was either that or things I was quite sure that he would not keep down. I noticed his reaction and thought for a moment, my hand reached out to stroke his forehead gently. I thought for a bit and wondered…I had a package of barley candy…and perhaps that might settle him enough to eat the lembas.   
  
I could tell that he was thinking about something that was giving him a great deal of emotional pain. Though he was not crying, his eyes were a dead giveaway. I hoped it wasn't about what he had been through since his capture. I dug into my pouch and came up with a little bit of paper that was wrapped around five pieces of hard barley. It was something of an addiction…I supposed. .   
  
Shagrat gave them to me every now and again as...well...rewards is really the only way I could think of putting it. He knew I would do just about anything for them. The candy was made of barley bits laced and held together with sugar, honey and whiskey. They could be quite addictive, but only if you ate them as often as I did...and only if you usually never had anything with sugar in them. Orcs did not cook with sugar, they used a kind of...glucous...that made most things congeal.  
  
"Here Frodo." I picked up a piece of the candy and offered it to him. He stared at it suspiciously.  
  
"What is it?" he fumbled a bit on the words, I could tell he was having a little trouble focusing. He looked up at me, his eyes were bright…and his cheeks raw from tears. An ugly bruise was forming on his right jaw and about an inch into his lip, he was beginning to have a little difficulty speaking.  
  
"Its not lembas." I reassured him. "Here…eat it…don't chew on it though…just let it dissolve on your tongue."  
  
He struggled to open his mouth and I had to help him take it in the end. He shifted on my lap, snuggling his head into my hand. I stroked it gently as he let the candy dissolve down his throat. "Its good…" he was surprised. Then he looked up at me, I was fairly sure he wanted to talk about something.  
  
"What is it?" I asked finally, I wasn't much of a listener, being too preoccupied with my own problems. I grunted a bit, not looking forward to hearing about what had happened to him.  
  
"I was just thinking…" he tried hard to keep his eyes open, he did not want to fall asleep again, that much I was pretty sure of. "About Gandalf."  
  
"Gandalf?" I had heard the name in passing, but not really associated it with anyone before. A wizard, I thought. "Who is he?"  
  
"He's…my…" he paused, and sighed. "*was* my…friend." Frodo took another piece of candy and then he began to speak, and it surprised me that it wasn't about his own suffering…but about his friend. "He's taken care of me…ever since I can remember. He's always been about the Shire, always taking care of -us-.Me and Bilbo…He was Bilbo's friend really, they went on adventures together. He helped Uncle get out and see the world. Though sometimes I wish he hadn't…maybe then…maybe then I wouldn't have…wouldn't be here…" he took a deep breath and continued. The alcohol was loosening his tongue, and I knew that he was feeling the pain less and less as time wore on.   
  
"He's dead." he gulped back a sob and I frowned, wondering if he was going to start crying again. He didn't, he merely looked away and continued to speak, "It was while we were passing through Moria. Pippin…Pip thinks it was his fault, but I know that they already knew we were there. The balrog was drawn to…" he paused, not explaining, "The Balrog was drawn to us, not to the sound that was made in the well. He spent my whole life protecting me…and he died…protecting me."  
  
"A Balrog." I'd heard of them, and continued to stroke the small hobbit's curls, I used a bit of the cold water again to start to clean off the sweat that was building again.  
  
"He…he stood on the Bridge of Kahzad-Dum. He just stood there…and he faced it…for us…for me." he looked up at me with wide blue eyes. "I never…never did anything for him. He always did everything for me. Meri…I have to get out of here…I have to live…for him…he died so that I could go on." Suddenly a determined look began to build in his expression. "I am going to survive…I have to…"   
  
I smiled…he'd found something to hold on to.  
  
"Meri?" he took a deep breath. "That's it isn't it…that's how I can get through this…" he clasped his little hand in mine. "I have to think about what I need to do….not what I don't want to happen…"  
  
"Yes Frodo." I stroked his fingers. "You'll be alright now."  
  
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	9. Enduring

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CHAPTER NINE -- Enduring  
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Frodo still held my hand, he was beginning to sweat a little more. The fever was not letting go of him. He had been swinging between talking a lot and then bouts of grim silence. At the moment, all he was doing was lying curled up next to me, his eyes wide open and his hand clutching mine. I could understand what he was going through…I had been through it. He shivered, his eyes held a depth to them that seemed to go on forever. I could tell he was struggling with his senses. "Please…" he managed as I pressed semi-cool water against his lip. "More to drink…I'm…so thirsty…"  
  
"Not yet, Frodo. You can't have too much of that stuff. It'll make you sick." I filled a little cup of water and tried to put it to his lips but he knocked it away.   
  
"No water…" he gasped. "I need…need the drink…please…it hurts…"   
  
I managed to save the water from spilling out of the cup and frowned at him for a moment. He clutched my hand desperately. He wanted to stay drunk, I could tell. He looked up at me with those terribly wide flashing eyes. He was having trouble controlling his emotions, that was not surprising. Anger and desperation were rising in him, I knew it was not something that he was used to. He seemed the type to bottle things up.   
  
I tried to put the water in him again but he shook his head, refusing. He glared at me, and I was rather taken aback by the dark scowl. After the past several hours…I hadn't really expected to find a backbone on the tiny creature.  
  
Well. If he wanted to have a tantrum…this certainly wasn't the time or the place. "Frodo." I said firmly. "If you want another piece of candy, or more of the dragonsblood…you need to finish a cup of water. You must drink something other than the liquor. " I felt like I was talking to a small child, but I knew he had to be fairly old. He didn't -look- more than 30. In fact…it was difficult to place his age at all. My voice was perhaps harsher than it could have been. I wasn't really all that used to being gentle.  
  
He looked like he was about to cry again when I wouldn't comply. He shivered again. His mood was swinging from one end to the other due to the effects of being drunk. Where he had been terribly angry just a moment ago, he now sniffled and looked incredibly pathetic. He was trying hard to keep back tears. "It hurts…" he whined. "Please."   
  
I took the opportunity of an open mouth to force down some of the water. No…I wasn't going to let him spit it out, I kept one hand close around his lips. It obviously hurt…for my thumb was pressing against the bruise on his jaw. "Swallow it." I commanded. "You're not doing yourself any favors, Frodo. You -need- this in your system. Accept it." I wasn't really trying to hurt him, it was just that there was no part of his body that I could touch and -not- cause him pain.   
  
His eyes flashed at me again, the same echo of a backbone that had been there before was now returning. Good…if it gave him strength, I had to use it, had to keep it there. I matched his glare with one of equal strength. Finally he swallowed and I let go of his jaw. He gasped for breath, staring at me.   
  
We both had lot to be mad about…he and I. We were caught in situations beyond our control in a cruel world that we were powerless against. The darkness that surrounded us was great, and if we didn't keep our strength…we'd fade and die under the pressure of evil. Pain became…easy after a while. Once you had been through so much…once you experienced the worst possible thing…anything else was endurable.   
  
I knew what had happened to him, and I knew that he was angry about it. He was mad at me, at himself, at those that did this to him and at his whole life that led to this point. He wanted to give up, but he couldn't. There was simply no way to give up. Giving up would mean defeat, it would mean that -they- had broken you, that they had won. Yes, it hurt, yes we suffered….and there was yet more to endure. It wasn't over. There are things…things that were done to both of us that neither would ever speak of, or think back on. I will not even describe them for they are unimaginable. Our societies…the ways of life we expected to live had not prepared us for such things. How could I spend 15 years in Shagrat's service and still call him Master and do whatever it was he wanted me to do? How did I endure it? There are worse things than service to an Orc. I had learned them all in the land of Mordor, and this young one…he was starting to learn of them.  
  
"Merilas." he whispered gently, still looking at me. His anger remained, but it wasn't at me anymore, it was simply at everything around him. He wanted so much to be somewhere else, but there was nothing that he could do about it, not in his current condition. He knew I was right. "May I…may I have some more water p-please?" he asked quietly, though his eyes drew back towards the gourd of liquor and he licked his lips desperately….they had begun to bleed again.   
  
He would endure…I brought the water back to his lips and he let me give him the rest of the liquid. His shivering had subsided a little…which worried me. As soon as it seemed that he was capable of withstanding more…they would take him again. My heart began to do strange things in my ribcage as I looked at him. I found myself not wanting him to be hurt anymore.  
  
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PS You all are wonderful!!! Thank you so much for the reviews.J And btw, this is not going to turn into a romance in case any of you were wondering and I will continue it after Frodo is rescued from the tower. There will be a few scenes that you will find interesting, I hope. Especially between Frodo and Legolas.J 


	10. Living through it

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CHAPTER 10 : Living Through it  
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I wasn't really in a good position here, he needed…well…he needed a lot of medical attention that I wasn't capable of giving. I had very meager supplies, and they weren't interested in him being healthy, just in him being able to survive. After he drank the water…he was ready to be given more of the mixture. I had been worried about putting too much of it in him at first. He refused the lembas…but at least ate the barley candy. If he didn't accept the lembas soon, I would have to force it into him. I didn't relish that because it might mean he would simply pass it up again.   
  
He lay still in my arms for a while, not sleeping though his eyes were closed. I knew he wasn't sleeping. He was enjoying the feel of the liquor as he inhaled the fumes. It clouded his mind and made things he did not want to deal with go away. He had pressed himself rather close to me, and I was not really sure that I was comfortable with it. I surmised that it was for my warmth. Karkosh had left us alone for the most part, not looking entirely happy at his post, rather bored in fact. Maybe I could send him on a mission.  
  
"Merilas…if I get out of here…will you come with me?" he asked me suddenly in a very small voice.   
  
I started, leave…I closed my eyes, then opened them again. "No." I shook my head. "I have no place anymore outside of Mordor." It was not a statement meant to cause him to pity me or a statement that held any regret, sorrow or malice in it. It was simply a fact. After 20 years…I was tainted. There was a stain on me that no amount of healing could remove. Not that I knew about anyway.  
  
"But…" he looked up at me. He had lost his previous flash of anger, though he was still perturbed by everything that was happening to him. He had managed to gather his courage. "But…y-you're an elf. Surely you can go home to your people?"  
  
I laughed, it was a hollow sound, "My people." I looked down at Frodo, "Do I look like an elf to you anymore, Frodo? Even in this darkness...I know that you can see the difference in me. I've spent so long...in this position that I've come to accept that there's nothing else for me. My youth...is gone. Perhaps once I might have been able to have a life with my people, to live in Mirkwood and run free. But that is no longer the case. Even if I were to go back...even if I were to be freed, I would still be lost. I have...things. My body is not built for life here, Frodo. It...is no longer strong. There were times that I was very ill from the aftereffects...of certain things...and I have never gotten over that. They say elves never get sick, but now I know what a lie that is. Sure Elves don't get sick...the ones who are kept safe in their lands and away from the evil of mortals. My face is no longer anything they would recognize...I fear it would only cause them pain if I returned. There are some things that I need now that I can't get anywhere but here."  
  
I stroked his hair with still-nimble fingers, despite everything. "You know my father once thought to marry me to a Prince. I was that pretty once…" I shook my head, "But can you see me anywhere but here? I have lived only a smattering of years in this position…and despite all the ages I know that I will see…these are the years I will always remember and never be able to forget. These are the years that took my soul and refused to give it back. I cannot love because I cannot love myself. Not after everything that has happened. I am caught in the coils of Mordor, and the snake will never set me free, Frodo. I've been here too long. You…you however…you have a chance. You can get out…Don't come back for me…if you do leave. I will not go with you. I cannot go with you. My place is here. My life…here. I'm no longer an Elf, Frodo. There are things that it means to be an elf, and I am none of them.."  
  
"I…" he tried to find an answer for that, but obviously he was still trying to process what I had told him. "I won't forget you." he promised softly. I don't know why he would say that. I wasn't his friend…I wasn't even really helping him. I didn't want to like him, and I didn't want to think about what they were going to do to him in a couple of hours. He was making me care, there was no doubt about it, and I strove to regain control over my heart. I had handled so much pain before because it didn't matter to me because I kept it away from my heart away from myself.   
  
He had found his way somewhere that I had thought was lost. If they killed him…I didn't know what I would think or do. For the first time since I came to the Tower I didn't want someone else to be in pain. I wanted him to be free, to be gone from this place, to be somewhere where people could care for him properly. To be in a warm bed with loving friends. He was not a creature for this place. He was too good for Mordor. If I could find a way to help him, I would have to. Perhaps I could talk to Shagrat….  
  
There was something about him, this small hobbit. He had so much weight on his shoulders. I suppose I could try…They weren't going to get any information out of him more than they already had. I don't think that they would listen to me…I might be able to convince my Master that the hobbit might be more useful as a slave…then broken. If he was made a slave…there would be a chance…a chance I could help him escape. As a prisoner…there was no chance. If he was a slave, I could care for him properly, there would be more at my disposal to give him.   
  
Then I looked down at him. He could never endure the life of a slave. I sighed, there really wasn't much I could do to help him. If I talked them into making him a slave…he would eventually die from it…I was sure. If I let them torture him…he would eventually die from it…I was sure. He might endure as long as he possibly could, but he did not have the strength that I did. I did not want to see him broken. There had to be a way to get him out of here. I would find it. I would help him. I made my decision. Even if they did kill me for it.  
  
"Merilas." he whispered softly, snuggling against me for warmth. I sighed and wrapped my arms around him. He really was irresistible. He sighed…not content…but he did like the contact….it showed as he gave me a tiny smile.  
  
"Yes, Frodo?"  
  
"You're an elf to me."  
  
* * *   
  
Brief note : This chapter dedicated to Frodo Baggins of Bag End . 


	11. Regaining Sanity

Author's note : Very good point, Anna.J I wanted to address that. Frodo is a bit passive in this encounter. A couple of reasons:…he's drunk…and weak…and feeling the effects of being separated from the Ring. Its causing him to be rather desperate. This is actually going to come out in this next chapter. After a few hours…he's become more himself. And…I'm sure all you who want more than gloom and doom will adore this chapter. This chapter is told from Frodo's POV, you'll understand why later on. Also keep in mind that the previous chapters were from the Elleth's point of view. She saw Frodo differently than we do. J  
  
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CHAPTER 11 : Regaining Sanity  
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I rested in her lap. She -was- warmer than the floor after all. The past …how many hours had it been? I couldn't really remember. Everything still hurt. I remembered moving in and out of consciousness while they…tended to me. My mind had been slowly coming out of the haze that it had been in after…I didn't want to think about that…in fact…if I could just get the images out of my head…I'd never think about it again. I shuddered.   
  
She took that as the fever returning. Whatever it was she had given me in the mixture had managed to bring it down far more than any other time I had been ill. Perhaps it was due to the herbs not being found anywhere but in this evil land. I wondered if I was thankful for that. As I looked up at her, I knew that she had assumed the fever had come back. I was still rather warm.  
  
My gaze averted from hers and I looked over at the Orc, he was my main obstacle. I felt sure that I could surprise her well enough that she would not have time to react…but him…he'd stop me in an instant. I knew that she would not help me. She had long since given up. I hadn't though, I knew the others were out there…and Sam…thank Elbereth. Sam had not been captured. I still had a chance. With luck…he had the Ring.  
  
I should not have thought of that…but it was too late. The idea of the Ring in someone else's hands, much less Sam's was beginning to give me a headache. I swallowed nervously, what if he took it…what if…he left me and took the Ring for himself? I tried hard to focus. Sam would never do that to me. I had to get the image of the Ring out of my mind if I wanted to form a plan. The longer I stayed here…the farther away it would get…and I couldn't bear that. It -was- giving me the strength to think though, the Ring. It gleamed in my mind like a beacon. I had to get to it. My breathing became a little shallow and I felt her hands on my chest as she dabbed at it with a cold cloth. When she brushed over one or two of my scars, I grimaced. This would not be easy. I was in a lot of pain.  
  
I took a deep breath, "Merilas?"  
  
"Yes Frodo?" her voice was softer than it usually had been. I looked up at her, and like most others…my eyes tended to attract them.   
  
"Please…is there anything…solid to eat? Bread…or something?" I asked, though there was a little lurch in my stomach. The idea of solid food was not appealing…especially solid food made by Orcs.  
  
She frowned slightly, looking down at me and I wondered if she realized what I was doing. I couldn't tell. She had a way about her that made it nearly impossible to tell her feelings. I smiled as weakly as I could manage, I didn't want her to realize that I had regained my senses.   
  
"Not here, Frodo…But I'll have someone get it for you." she looked over at Karkosh who rose and shambled towards us. I shuddered, I hated Orcs…more so now than ever. I couldn't help but cower against her and hated myself for being so weak. I strove for control, battling my emotions as they stirred within me. "Karkosh, go to the kitchens and bring a loaf of bread." she nodded to the Orc. He seemed not altogether pleased at the idea, but she seemed to have some kind of … control over him. I couldn't imagine knowing an Orc…I didn't -want- to know an Orc. All I wanted was him to be out of the room.  
  
Karkosh grumbled about the futility of wasting food on someone who was already dead. He climbed down the ladder…and then he took it away from the trap door, lying it against the floor. I frowned slightly…how was I going to get down now? I'd have to jump. As silence descended upon us, and she continued to bathe my chest, I strained to hear his footsteps as they went down the corridor.   
  
Merilas was tending to me well enough, but I had come to realize…why she was doing it. They were making sure they could make me talk…about the Ring. And I never would. It was mine…my own. I wanted to get it back, I -would- get it back. I -had- to. My breathing became a little irregular and I managed with difficulty to calm myself. If I didn't take this chance, it may never come again. No matter what happened…I had to try. The Ring…if I focused on it, it gave me strength.  
  
She -was- caught off guard when I suddenly used all that was left within me to shove myself away from her. She tumbled to the side, staring at me in shock. "Frodo…no." she cried at me. But it had already begun, and I wasn't backing down now. She tried to catch hold of me, but I struggled. Because I wasn't wearing anything, there was nothing for her to really catch hold of. Eventually I managed to slip out of her grasp, and grab the coat. I stumbled…still feeling a little woozy…Come on Frodo…I told myself. Its now or never.  
  
I glanced only once back at her. She was standing there, watching me. I realized just then that she was not going to stop me. I tried to smile…I wanted her to come with me, but she shook her head. She was not going to. She was going to stay here. I felt a pang of regret…for lost innocence…for the loss of an elf. "Thank-you." I told her gently, then dropped the coat down the trap door to the bottom of the floor. I grimaced at the height. I might break my neck…but I had no other choice. I had learned how to tumble in the past…running about in Buckland and getting out of trouble then.   
  
I had to do it.  
  
I took a deep breath…and jumped.   
  
* * * 


	12. The Eyes of the Tower

Author's Note : *giggles*. If I told you that, Melody, I'd be giving away the story! Okay, Okay…I'll give you a couple of tidbits to chew on…  
  
*Legolas hates Orcs because of what happened that Midsummer Night, and -he- is the Prince she was going to be betrothed to. Even though she was a brat, he had a soft spot for her. He searched for her high and low, and never found her because she had been taken from the land she originally was captured in. He still searches for her, but is distracted by the Fellowship ATM. Will Frodo tell him about her? Will Frodo Remember her? Will Legolas be able to love her when he sees what has happened to her? Will she let him see what has happened to her? Will she run away? Will she live? I haven't written those chapters yet…tee hee. *  
  
This story eventually is going to end up on an uplifting…yet heart-wrenching note. I'm not really sure yet how many chapters it will be. It depends on the reviews, and what people are interested in seeing. If you think I haven't pulled your heart out yet…I've got a trick or two up my sleeve.   
  
Our favorite halfling still has to get recaptured…you know…cause Sam saves him in RTOK. Hm…but maybe…things will be different. This is a fanfic…Will he make it out of the Tower on his own? Anything can happen!  
  
Keep in mind : Frodo is suffering from the following 1) He's still feeling the effects of the alchohol, its numbing his senses, 2.) He's desperate to get back to the Ring (gollum syndrome), 3.) He's still sick; no food for a couple of days, fever, and well…he's already been tortured TWICE. He's got open wounds that haven't been stitched yet….some bandaged…  
  
An…FYI…This chapter may get a little rough. The Mean ol' Orcs are hunting for Frodo. And Orcs when they're mean…are … not nice? ===: )  
  
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CHAPTER TWELVE -- The Eyes of the Tower  
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I blinked a few times…I had nearly smacked into the wall on the way down, but I had made it…no broken bones…Thank Elbereth. I winced and glanced down at my side…the gash there was bleeding a little, and my back was hurting. I reached back with one of my hand and felt the warm blood from a weal. I had to find something to wrap my chest in. I looked around, rising to my feet unsteadily. The stone was cold…and damp. Mold clung to the black walls of the room I had landed in, It was lit only by flickering torchlight...and a red glare from the outside. There was a door at the far end of the room, slightly ajar.  
  
I saw a cot on the edge of the room, that had a dirty sheet pulled over it. It had likely been there for a very long time…it would have to do. I stumbled over to it, holding my side. I shook the dust out of it and sighed at the old holes. I had a fleeting memory of Bag-end…my crispy clean sheets…the scent of flowers in the springtime, and I coughed at the dust. The holes at least, made it easy for me to rip it into a few shreds. I quickly wrapped one around my chest and side as tightly as I could manage. Then I struggled into the coat. It smelled awful, but I wasn't about to walk around naked. I winced because I had not been able to clean anything. They would get infected, I was fairly sure. Maybe…maybe I'd find some water. My mind clung to that thought as I steeled myself to rise.   
  
With my most grievous wound bound at least as best as it could be, and a coat around me I could move on. I ventured towards the door, staggering to a halt against the wall and peering into the corridor beyond. There were no guards, and the door leading to the staircase was open. I noticed then that there were a few different ways I could go, more than one staircase, more than one prison. Orcs could not have thought of such a scheme I thought to myself for a moment. Then I heard someone coming up the stairs at the far end and ducked into a turret, praying. As silent as I could possibly be I watched Karkosh shamble past. In his hand he carried a moldy looking loaf of …well…bread perhaps. I grimaced…and barely managed to surpress a cough.  
  
The sound attracted the huge creature and it glanced back, with a "Hm? Who's there?" The Orc was chewing on something…meat perhaps. Something that smelt fouler than his coat. I didn't dare breathe, holding my hand to my mouth in panic. Then…luck was with me…a trio of rats scurried across the hall and clamored into a hole in the wall. The Orc laughed., a brittle echo that made me cringe. He moved back down the hall.   
  
I quickly made my way towards the opposite staircase, I knew that more Orcs would be down the one he had come up. I had to stop and catch my breath. Behind me, I heard a scream…and a crash. I paled…Merilas….I couldn't go back. I froze for almost a minute not sure what to do. Then it dawned on me…the scream had been the scream of the Orc…not of the elf. I knew it would draw others though and managed to will my courage into place. Gandalf would want me to be strong. I had to be. I had to get out of here.  
  
The stairs were huge…I was having trouble descending them quickly, but I did my absolute best. My only companions in this particular stairwell were a curious rat or two, and behind doors…perhaps prisoners more miserable than I. It was very dark…there were no torches that lit these stairs that seemed to go down forever. They were lit by the fires from outside. A red glowing flame that made the small windows look like eyes. I shuddered, and huddled in the cloak. I stumbled once, slipping on the wet stone…and fell several feet before I was able to steady myself.   
  
I sat there for a moment, my head reeling, clutching my side in pain. What I wouldn't give for my feather beds right now…a warm cup of tea…some of Sam's taters…my beautiful garden. I missed the Shire terribly at that moment. I lay there against the stairs, breathing heavily, the only thing holding me up was one very weak hand. *Go on…Frodo.* I almost heard Aragorn's voice for a moment. *You are strong enough, I know you are.* I didn't want to…I was tired…in pain…and dizzy from my second fall of the night. If I didn't move now, I'd stay where I was…and eventually they'd find me.   
  
A rat was making its way towards me, they were big ones in this particular tower, and I almost thought they were more than just rats, remembering Saruman's birds. They were attracted to a small pool of blood that was building underneath me. I tightened my bandages, and wrapped another one around. That seemed to stop the bleeding. Before more rats took an interest in me, I pushed myself to my feet and stumbled against the wall for a moment.  
  
I continued downward…into the darkness of the stairwell when I heard a sound that I had been dreading. The clanking of chain mail and armor coming down my way. I looked around wildly…I had to find a place to hide. I tried one door…locked…then another…and rushed down to a third, panicked. If they found me…  
  
I pushed myself hard against the third door and nearly fell into the room. I picked myself up as quickly as I could and shut the door, listening. I took a quick glance about the room…it was empty…but…There was a half full water basin on a rickety table., it was full because water was seeping into it from the damp walls of the tower. I thanked Elbereth. It may not be the freshest..or the cleanest…but I could clean my side with it, and maybe it would help.  
  
The Orcs were checking the rooms…I heard them wrenching open doors. Then I heard voices. They would come here too…I looked around and found a pile of very…rotten clothing I made a leap for the pile, and scrambled under it. I held my breath…because I knew that if I breathed at all…I would definitely wretch.  
  
"He's Been here. Little Rat. Look…blood." I heard a voice outside. They opened the door and came into the room.   
"Did the Slave know anything…which staircase he took?"  
  
"She said he killed the Orc guard and threatened to kill her. He was stronger than he looked."  
  
"Feh." the other laughed, "Just a halfling." he walked over towards the pile of clothes and I could almost see his feet. He poked at the pile with his sword…narrowly missing me. I continued to hold my breath in terror, trying very hard not to shake. "He's not here. He's probably on one of the lower levels by now. Lets go tell Shagrat."  
  
The Orc sheathed his sword and the group lumbered down the staircase. When I was sure they were gone I flung the clothes away from me and gasped for breathe. I was safe…for the moment.  
  
* * * 


	13. Finding Her Heart

Author's note : This one is for all you Merilas fans.J I REALLY appreciate all the reviews. I decided to try and get one more chapter out today because I might not be able to get anything out tomorrow as I have SCA things.   
  
Warning : There is a violent scene in this chapter. J  
  
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CHAPTER THIRTEEN -- Discovering her Heart  
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I watched him as he stood there, unsteady on his feet. His skin gleamed against the darkness as he tossed the coat down, I had never been so amazed at the sheer courage of such a small being. He wanted me to go with him…but I knew I could not. I wanted to…I wanted to make sure he got out of the tower alive…but then…where would I be? I looked down at the chains that bound my ankles together, I would not be of any help to him.   
  
He sighed then and I watched, holding the blanket. He leapt down and I heard him as he tumbled to the floor. My heart leapt when I realized that he had made it. Then I listened as he stayed down there for a while, I wasn't sure exactly what he was doing, but I know he must have been catching his breath. I went over to the tiny window of the tower room and looked out over the land below.   
  
A haze from the fires obscured most of it below, but I knew what was down there. I saw it every day, a reminder of the blighted land that I was in…those that lived here…destroyed what at one time had been a place of beauty…when the world was new. It reminded me of how I had been destroyed, how my beauty had been taken from me. How everything that made me what I was had been twisted and corrupted. Misshapen to fit their own cruel world.  
  
He had brought a part of me back that I thought had been gone forever. I fingered the blanket in my hands remembering the tiny brave smile he had given me. He was willing to risk everything to get out…to be away from this land. But he'd only been here not much more than a day. It was all still new to him, still unreal…he still had hope of people who would come for him. People who cared.  
  
Was I one of those people now…I cringed a bit as I heard Karkosh coming back. There was something I was going to have to do. If I was to save myself…and if I was to buy Frodo some time. I didn't hold out much hope that he would make it very far…and if he was found…I wanted to be the one to find him. He was too weak…and though he wanted to be brave…I knew that there was a good chance he was overestimating his strength.  
  
It was a pity it was Karkosh that I had to do this to. He was not all that bad for an Orc, he even had something of a personality. He was big and kind of stupid. He'd never amount to anything anyway, and chances are one of the Orcs above him would eventually kill him. I formed every reason in my mind why this was okay. It was for Frodo…it was for me…it was so that I could go freely about the tower. Free to search for him. Free to be prepared when I found him.   
  
Karkosh meant next to nothing in my heart, he was an Orc, and they were the cause of my misery, and the cause of the death of 7 people I knew and cared about. I wasn't going to let them cause the death of another. If I couldn't be there for myself…I wanted to be there for Frodo. Karkosh had raised his hand against me more than one time in the past. I didn't feel particularly vindicated…for I was planning to take a life…it was not the elf way…I shook my head, I was no longer an elf. That part of me was dead forever, except for a few things that I could not get rid of…I was tainted…and corrupted. That was why Elbereth had abandoned me. I accepted it. I really did.  
  
I waited.  
  
Karkosh shambled up the ladder and blinked around, trying to access the situation. He couldn't find the hobbit at first and as I predicted, he became angry. "Where is it, what did you do with it?" he cried out…rushing towards me.   
  
This gave me the courage to do what I had to. I had the element of surprise on my side, and I was still nimble and quick. As he grabbed my shoulders, his rough fingers pressing into my skin, I reached down and drew his sword from its sheath, quick as lightning. Without waiting to think, without waiting for him to say anything else, I slashed the blade up across his belly once…and then down again, slicing as if I was cutting into a piece of fruit. He buckled…his legs giving away under him in shock. He stared at me with wide bulging eyes, shock evident.  
  
He had, after all…forgotten I was an elf. I knew how to kill an Orc.  
  
He screamed…and the sound echoed down the corridor as his stomach spilled blood onto my dress. I shoved him away onto the floor and dropped the blade nearby him, turning away and covering my ears. I forced myself to turn around and look at my handiwork, my eyes wide. Surprised…no tears…no feeling as I looked at the dying Orc. He convulsed slightly, reaching out towards me… and then lay still…in a pool of blood.   
  
I took the blade up again, and cut the side of my arm…wincing in pain. It was all part of my plan. Once that was done, I went to the window and tossed the blade out. A patrol was coming. I sank to the floor, and put on my best wretched expression.  
  
It was Shagrat…he lept up the ladder with his people and was immediately barking orders when he saw that the hobbit was gone and I explained what happened. "He surprised us. He was not as weak as we thought he was. " I stared at my Master, shivering slightly. I held the side of my arm and winced. "He took Karkosh's sword…slew him…and sliced at me when I tried to stop him." my lips curled, "He won't get far…he's wounded…and he's not strong."  
  
Shagrat stared at me, then brushed my hand away to check my wound. He grumbled at it. He was very possessive...he did not like his .. Things…to be damaged….unless he was the one who ordered it. "Get you help for that." I hated the feel of his fingers on my skin but I stood there and did not pull away. "I can't spare anyone to escort you. Go."  
  
And I obeyed…it had worked. They'd bought it. I glanced only once back at the corpse of the Orc that I had sacrificed for Frodo. I'd never think of him again. I climbed down the ladder while they started arguing with each other and took a bandage from my pouch. I wrapped my arm as best I could, it really wasn't that bad a wound and proceeded with my plan.  
  
First…I needed supplies. Frodo wasn't going anywhere, as I walked down the hallway, my senses could pick up where he'd gone. Orcs were not as good at tracking as elves were. I saw a bloodstain here or there…hard to pick out against the dark walls. I knew which stairwell he'd taken, but I had another destination in mind. I'd find him.   
  
I grimaced, I hated going to that particular part of the Tower…it always managed to disgust me no matter how many times I went. I made my way down the staircase, watching as patrols of Orcs blundered by. They wouldn't find him. He was too small…and too quick. He'd find some place to hide. And once he did...I doubted that he'd be able to get up again.  
  
I finally made it to the kitchens and held my breath as I walked in. The lucid smell immediately assaulted my nostrils and I tried to hold my breath. There were two butchers carving at…a carcass…They were tossing the pieces of meat into a basin while the scraps were left on the floor for the rats. They argued with each other while I passed by them. Other carcasses were waiting to be sliced open, there were barrels of pungent mead as well as a selection of fruits and vegetables that looked like they had seen better days.   
Nothing really grew well in Mordor, but that was just as well for Orcs. Food wasn't a big issue...as long as they could eat it, they would. Rotten or whole. It mattered very little to an Orcs stomach. I glanced around the next room where a cook was preparing several jars for storage. I found one particular barrel that was filled with mashed fruit. I peered at it as another cook rushed by me. They knew who I was and did not do anything to stop me. I looked around at the other barrels. Flies buzzed about by the meat, but they were leaving the mashed fruit alone. I didn't want to know what was in the other barrels.  
  
I knew it was because of the ferment that was used during the mashing. It was not something that attracted insects, it was meant to keep them away. It really didnt take away the flavor, it just congealed the fruit a bit. The jars were used for traveling. A easy quick meal. Army rations...you might say. However, this was only the first step...they would later be mixed with a kind of glucous that was made from unpasturized milk. After that they add flour and oil to it. The end result would put anyone who wasn't an Orc in a bad temper.  
  
The mashed fruit would be good enough, I decided. At least it hadn't been ruined yet. I grabbed a jar and filled it, then sealed the lid. I put the jar back in my pouch and then looked around for an icebox where I knew there would be some milk. I found a gourd there, for it was made ready for drinking, and easy to carry. They didn't question me.   
  
On my way out the door I stopped by the linen cabinet and grabbed a blanket, and several bits of cloth when no one was looking an stuffed them into a sac. I also managed to get ahold of a waterskin. That would be enough. I took a deep breath and made my way out of the kitchen. I rested in the cooridor for a moment glancing around, there were no patrols down here, they were all in the upper levels.   
  
I walked around to the other end of the tower and began to climb the stairs that would lead to where I wanted to end up. I knew which staircase Frodo had taken, it was now just a matter of using my own senses to find him. Hang on. I thought to myself. I knew that he was weak…and I was having a hard time thinking about him lying in the dark with no one but rats for company. He was not as strong as he wanted to be and I hoped I wasn't too late when I got to him.   
  
I did care. I knew that now, I k new -why- I was doing this…risking my life. Risking torture and even death. He should not have had to be here. He should be safe and warm in the Shire. This was no place for him. I would find him. I plastered myself against the stairwell as a patroll thundered down. It was easy to get around the tower now, everyone was focused on finding the Hobbit. They were all ignoring me.  
  
"I'm coming Frodo." I whispered into the darkness. "Elbereth protect you." 


	14. Anything other than this

Author's Note : Okay, Okay, I said I wasn't going to update today because I didn't think I'd have time to write but certain people (I won't mention names) twisted my arm since they couldn't bear to think of poor wee Frodo lost and alone for much longer. Brave wee Hobbit, facing certain death. I'm not saying Frodo gets found in this chapter….mind you. You think I'd let you off that easy?….. Heh heh…A new chapter was begged for, and this is it. Frodo fans…hold onto your seats…this could get a bit rough. Orcs are still hunting him, and unimaginable things lurk in the darkness and shadows of the Tower. Oh yeah…I LOVE REVIEWS. Review Review Review! It shows me what you are looking for and want to see more of. If you review it, it might happen! This is as much your story as mine. This chapter Frodo's POV.  
  
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CHAPTER 14 : Anything other than This  
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I stood precariously balanced against the table, trying to get my bearings. The quick movements had caused my head to reel unexpectedly. My mind had been clear only a few moments ago. I suppose that I had not entirely been as strong as I hoped. I sighed wincing a little, and looked at the water. I had to clean and rebandage my wounds. I wasn't really all that used to taking care of myself. Someone had always been there. Bilbo, Gandalf, Sam, Aragorn…I shivered and felt the sweat trickling down my forehead. I knew I was getting worse by the minute. I staggered around the table to the basin. If there was one thing I wanted more right now it was to be clean. I dropped the rest of the old sheet on the dusty table and struggled out of the jacket.   
  
I grimaced when I saw the bloodstains on the jacket. My back wasn't doing very well. In fact, it hurt with every move I made. I looked around the room, trying to get my bearings while I rested against the table for a moment. There were two bowls on near the bed. It had a mattress of sorts and I did see another sheet. Good…I needed that. It wasn't as badly molded as the clothing on the floor…and it would have to do. I hobbled over to grab it and took it back to the table along with the empty bowl. That's where I would squeeze the water out so I could keep it as clean as possible.   
  
I was sweating, I felt my forehead and I knew that the fever was returning. Not -now-. I gazed helplessly at the ceiling. Anytime but -now-. I unwrapped the bandage I had haphazardly slung around my chest to stop the bleeding and dropped it on the table. At least…if I had any more rats for company they'd be attracted to that and not me.   
  
I tried to keep my mind focused. Bag End…If I thought about the Shire…about home…but even then…it wasn't much comfort. I was in a terrible position and I didn't know if I was going to make it out. I stared at my fingernails in dismay…realizing for the first time how dreadfully grimy I was. I suppose I hadn't truly been clean since…Lothlorien…I sighed, I had lost a lot of things in the past few weeks. Galadriel was right…to be a Ringbearer -was- to be alone. If I wanted to find it again, I'd have to endure.  
  
I splashed some of the water on my face to get a grip on my sensse and stripped the sheets and then balled one of them up into a sponge of sorts. I dipped it into the cold…clammy water and began to wash myself. I was appalled at the blood and grime came off on the rag…I almost had to wretch once…but held my stomach together. I had to get through it. I spent the next little while gritting my teeth against the cold and letting the water heal what it could. I worked carefully, trying to remember my skills. I -did- know what I was doing, its just…I'd never had to do it.  
  
I cringed at the cold, shivering…my lips were feeling a bit numb. But at least…I was mostly clean. As clean as I really could be in this situation. I bound a strip of cloth around my shoulder to my side, and then held it in place by binding another cloth around my waist….as tightly as I could manage. There was another scar on my right leg, which was probably why I was having a hard time walking, and it amazed me that I had no broken limbs. I felt like every bone in my body had been mishandled when…I stopped myself from thinking about -that-.  
  
Once I was well and truly bandaged, enough that I could feel no more blood I wiped my face and gazed about the room tiredly. What harm would it be to take a little nap…I was so tired. They weren't looking here anyway….Only for a few minutes.  
  
I took a deep shuddering breath and staggered over to the bed dragging the coat with me. I curled up a little away from the wall and lay my head against the hard mattress. At least it wasn't a stone floor. I pulled the coat up around me and shivered. The smell was horrid, everything about the room that I was in was horrid. Tears sprang to my eyes as I had trouble feeling my lips…they were numb…numb with pain…like the rest of me…I'd sleep for a little while…then I'd go on. That's it…  
  
I closed my eyes…but it wasn't long before the fever began to take a grip on me once again. It wasn't helping that I was still feeling the effects of the liquor and I began to see things…and…hear things. Shadows leapt at me from the darkness and I heard … things calling to me. The voices of the Nazghul echoed in my head and I couldn't get them out.  
  
I would have tossed and turned but it was too painful. I couldn't really sleep…and that was when I heard it.  
  
I turned over weakly…hearing a scraping sound on the stairs coming closer and closer to the room. Everything went through my mind at once and nearly overloaded it. I thought about all the stories and warnings that I'd had about Mordor. All the terrible creatures that lurked in the shadows. Shelob not being the least of them. I held my breathe, one step closer with each scrape, my ears were better than most, and whatever was coming…couldn't be human. I felt…felt it was hunting me. I could almost hear it sniffing in the stairwell. As I cringed…my mind fled into dark recesses. I wanted this to be over…I couldn't think anymore…I was afraid…no…absolutely terrified. I had no weapon…no means of protecting myself. I would fight though…with every last ounce of strength that I had. I closed my eyes…and prayed…  
  
* * * 


	15. Reunited

Author's note : *Grumps.* Okay…so I wrote another chapter…J An' yes, eventually at some point in the story Legolas and Meri may come face to face. Oooh the Angst.  
  
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CHAPTER 15 : Reunited   
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I opened the door slowly and glanced inside the room, I knew he had to be in there, the chains that linked my legs together had made some noise on the way up, and I hoped that they hadn't attracted anything. I saw at first the table, filled with rags, stained with blood, and the floor was wet. I glanced around in the darkness, my eyes finding the small form huddled on the little cot. He was shivering, and his eyes were squeezed tightly closed. His lips were practically blue with cold. I put the torch I was carrying into a little stand and it lit up the room considerably. I went over to the window and closed the shutters so no one could see that anyone was here. The thick iron doors had no window bars and were solid enough to hold out light.   
  
I walked back over to the bed and set down my satchel and the gourd and waterskin. He was alive…and he had somehow managed to clean himself up, though not entirely. He'd also bandaged his wounds. I half-smiled, he had such bravery…this little one. I reached down at touched his cheek…burning up…it was as I thought it would be.   
  
He started, his face contorted in fear and he still had not opened his eyes, he was repeating an elvish prayer. I knew it well but I did not want to repeat it myself. He was too scared to open his eyes and he shrank away from my touch.   
  
I sighed, thinking about what to do. I removed the coat and replaced it with one of the blankets I had brought with me. The action did not take very long, but it left a pang in my heart when I studied him. He had tried his best to clean himself, but had not really succeeded. I quickly tucked the blanket around him, then folded up the coat and put it under his head. I took the other blanket and wrapped that around him as well. After a while…he stopped whispering…though his teeth still chattered and he didn't open his eyes.   
  
I brushed his curls away from his eyes and finally…he opened them. He blinked in confusion, huddled in the blankets. "Gandalf?" he gazed at me through eyes filled with wonder. I pursed my lips for a moment…then realized he was hallucinating. The fever…"Gandalf…" he weakly stretched out his little arms, trembling. "I…I had such a horrid nightmare…"  
  
I thought it best to play along, it was what he needed right now. I gathered him into my arms…it had been so long since I had embraced another being. I held him, blankets and all, and rocked him gently as he wept on my shoulder. "There now." I whispered softly, rubbing his back and tried with all that I could to make him warm again. "Everything will be alright."  
  
He shivered in my arms, despite the warmth of the blankets, clutching me. His face was buried into my shoulder and he didn't want to see. I think it would have been cruel to disillusion him as to where he was. Perhaps even life threatening.   
  
He let me hold him, and soon…with the rubbing of my hands and the mostly fresh blankets. He sighed and settled down a little, laying there comfortably, his head resting in the crook of my arm. He kept his eyes closed.   
  
"Gandalf…when will be out of Moria? It seems like we've been in this darkness forever…" his little voice trembled with anxiety.  
  
Moria…a dwarves realm if I recalled correctly. What had he been doing there? "Soon." I soothed him It was rather difficult, but I managed to put some fresh water on a bit of clean linen and began to bathe his face, rubbing off the smudges that had been left there as he had tried to get himself clean.  
  
"That feels good…" shifted, settling easily into my lap, and I had a feeling he was not going to want to move back to the bed so I sat there, holding him….trying to clean him with fresh water, warmer than whatever he had found in the basin….and certainly healthier.   
  
"I've got something for you to eat Frodo…apples…and a bit of milk." I said softly.  
  
"Applesauce…" he smiled, "Dear Sam…he took some jars from Rivendell…"   
  
Even with the jar closed you could smell the apples…I grimaced a bit. I supposed that in a room where every other smell was evil, something that reminded him of home was good enough. "I want to check your wounds, Frodo…let me put you down okay?"  
  
"Alright Gandalf…just…don't…" he whimpered a bit…"Don't go away…Don't leave…"  
  
"I won't." I settled his head against the coat and proceeded to see what he'd done.  
  
* * * 


	16. A Friend's touch

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CHAPTER SIXTEEN : A Friend's Touch  
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As I washed him, he kept quiet, trembling. I could tell he was trying not to remember where he was. He closed his eyes and would not look at me, I think he wanted to remain disillusioned. In fact, I was pretty sure of it. I was also fairly sure he -was- aware of where he was, but he just did not want to deal with it. In his mind…it was easier to pretend that he was somewhere else.  
  
"Merilas." finally after I'd finished with him, he was a little cleaner than he was before, and not quite so cold. He had opened his eyes and was looking at me. The fever still wracked his small body, and he was fading in and out of awareness.   
  
"Yes." I nodded, tucking the blankets back around him. I had resecured the bandages and cleaned the weals on his back that he hadn't been able to get to.   
  
"Why did you come back to help me? You c-could have…let them find me…" he stared up at me with an intense look. He seemed to be trying to focus now, that was good, at least he was not giving up.  
  
"I could have." I took a small cup and filled it with the fresh cool milk that I'd taken from the kitchen. "I've only bought you some time Frodo, that's all. And time…for your friends to find you…alive. The Orcs will eventually find us here, but we have a few hours in peace at least."  
  
"A few hours…" he closed his eyes again, "Maybe…maybe it would have been better to just let them find me and…get it over with."   
  
"Just because no one ever found me, does not mean that they won't find you, Frodo." I lifted him a little, and brought the milk to his lips. "I couldn't find any juice that you would like…but have some of this…I still have some of the barley candy…and I brought some apples. You must eat."  
  
"You're risking your life…" Frodo opened his eyes again, "They might kill you." he stared at the milk suspiciously, "I don't…I don't want you to die because of me."  
  
"They won't kill me Frodo." I shook my head. "I'm worth too much to Shagrat."  
  
"Yes…but…" he struggled to sit himself up, but finally gave in and let me cradle him. "They'll … hurt you." after a while he nodded for the milk.   
  
"Yes they will." I helped him take the cup and he drank, a surprised expression filled his eyes, he had not expected to get anything that actually tasted good. It was rare that you could find something prepared by an orc that wasn't mixed with something else.   
  
"I don't want you to be hurt because of me." he licked his lips and winced. He reached up with his little hand to touch the bruise, and hold his jaw in pain for a moment. I took a cloth dipped in cool water and pressed it in his hand so that he could hold it to his mouth. "Too many people…have been hurt because of me…"  
  
"You're important enough that they haven't killed you yet, Frodo." I kept the bottom of my hand against the cup he was holding, adding my strength to his. "Someone will come for you, and you need to stay alive for them."  
  
Frodo sighed, "I doubt it…they are far from here. And the only person who might…" he swallowed. "May already be dead."  
  
"I have a feeling, Frodo, that anyone who cared for you will move mountains to get to you. You just have to survive…and hold on to that. You tried to get out on your own…and …"  
  
"I know…" he sighed, "And I failed…Its hopeless, Meri. I don't think I can take another…I don't think…' he drank a bit more of the milk and then tried to continue, "Every bone in my body hurts…if they…if they did it again…they might…truly break something…and…" he began to shiver just thinking about it. I set the cup down and held him for a moment as he shivered from the very thought of what was in store for him.  
  
"You didn't fail. You bought them some time." I held him gently, "And any amount of time is a luxury, Frodo. I know that…I know that someone will come for you. I can feel it."  
  
"Do you…do you really think so, Meri?" he gazed up at me and reached for the milk again.   
  
"I know that if you were my friend, I wouldn't abandon you here." I said gently and helped him drink once again.   
  
He tried to smile…but the bruise made it painful. "You're my friend…" he told me. And it was then that I realized I was. I had risked a lot to help him. I hadn't done that in a very very long time. Friends…helped each other. It had been a long time since I had a friend.  
  
"Yes, Frodo. I am." I nodded at length.  
  
He sighed again, and curled up against me. "I think I can…try the apples…I'm a little hungry…" he grimaced a little, not really sure what to expect.  
  
"Alright." I nodded, he had calmed down considerably. The fever was still present, but it seemed to be held at bay for now. Calm attention to his wounds…and some fluid in him really is what was needed. Perhaps even…contact with someone who cared about him. I had a few herbs that I would mix with the milk afterwards.   
  
"You're right." he nodded after a while, "Sam…Sam loves me. He won't abandon me. He won't take…" then he frowned slightly. He glanced up at me suspiciously for a fleeting moment then looked away. He seemed to be caught up in a thought that he couldn't get out of his mind.  
  
"Won't take what, Frodo?" I gave him a spoon, and held the jar so that he could keep the cold compress against his jaw while he tried some of the apples. He rested the spoon against the jar, fighting I thought…for control over his emotions.  
  
"Never mind." he shook his head and tried dipping the spoon into the mix. He grimaced at the sound it made and then brought the spoon to his lips. He eyed it for a moment and sighed, nibbling just a little before taking the half-full spoon. He shivered and dropped the spoon. He was still very weak, and I had a feeling it was taking a lot of energy for him to feed himself.   
  
"Would you like me to help you?" I asked after a while.   
  
His pride had taken a great deal of hits during his time here, and I think that if this had not been the case, he would have done his best to eat by himself and would not have wanted to be quite so in need. He looked away from my eyes…embarrassed to ask. "Please…"  
  
I nodded once, then took up the spoon. 


	17. Hours in the Darkness

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CHAPTER SEVENTEEN : Hours in the Darkness  
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I didn't have that much time, he was fading in and out of the fever. He was -trying- to fight. I could tell, trying to remain conscious. He looked up at me a lot, I don't really think he was looking -at- me, rather than seeking what was in my eyes. It was rather unsettling, but he seemed to be desperate to find a truth…to find…I didn't really know what he was looking for.  
  
"What do you want Frodo?" I set aside the jar…he was quite finished with that for now. It was a rhetorical question…I could not really give him what he wanted. I held him as best as I could, and gave what comfort I was capable of. It wasn't much…but seemed to be what he needed.  
  
He blinked a couple of times as I brought a wet cloth to his forehead, wiping away at sweat. "I…" he thought for a moment. "To live…" he looked away. "I want to be able to … deal with everything. Like other people." he looked back again. "Everyone keeps telling me…. to be strong…. To live on. To go on. Ever since my parents died….It never seems to end. Even before…" he swallowed…I could tell he was having difficulty trying to decide whether to tell me anything, "Before…I left the Shire. Before I left the Shire I never really had any … happiness. I was often ill. Bilbo…cared about me, took care of me…but he left too. So…" he coughed slightly, clutching at me. "Everyone I'd ever loved…left me…So…I didn't let myself care…about anyone enough to …have a family with them. Now…its too late. Even if I do get home…too much has happened. No one…would want me. Galadriel said…I would be alone…and…that's what I have to be now. Alone. I don't want to be alone, Meri…I…." he blinked back tears. "I want to be…a regular hobbit." he gulped, "I want t-to…live in a big Smial…with lots of cousins…and…people who care….and parties…and Yule…and…my mother and father…and I want sisters…Meri…and brothers…" he began to shake again…he was cold. Though his eyes were shimmering with tears…he did not let them loose.  
  
I gazed down at him. I knew what he meant of course. My parents had left for the Gray Havens when I was young, and I never grew up with brothers or sisters. The King had done his best by me, of course…but…  
  
"I want to be loved…Meri…loved…" he looked at me with his wide blue eyes filled with pain. "But I'm afraid…I can't…its too late…" he cleared his throat. "There were…lasses who …fancied me of course…I was rich…I had my own large Smial…But…they didn't love -me-. Why did Bilbo have to go off, Meri? Why couldn't he have just stayed home…like everyone else… I wish…I wish none of this had ever happened. I wish he'd never found…" he looked away suddenly and his hand went to his neck. I saw a few marks there, near the back of his neck…scars that could not have been made by a whip.  
  
I held him gently for a little while as he clung to me. I knew that he was thinking about many things right now, trying to keep himself from falling asleep. He did not want to wake up to pain. I did not really know what to tell him. I'd asked myself the same questions many times, and I knew that after everything that had happened to me…I would have to spend my life alone as well. Elbereth…she must have had some reason to bring him to me. I suppose…we were alike in a way…him and I.  
  
"Its not too late for you, Frodo." I told him gently, "You'll get out of here…there are people looking for you. There must be." I stroked his hair softly.   
  
"But its too…too late to live." Frodo shook his head. "I did so many things wrong, I wish…" he sighed. "I would go back and change things…but I can't. I…accept that….really…" he looked at me then, "You think I will? What makes me different from everyone else….from you? You don't…don't know much about me…why I'm here…"  
  
"Frodo…I've seen many prisoners come and go in the Tower. But I've never seen a Hobbit. I've read that you rarely leave the Shire, and I expect…I believe that you left the Shire not from choice but from need. You came all the way to this land, I know because that was where you were caught here. That takes rare courage, Frodo, and a strength that is hard to find. I do not believe you could have made it here without help. I did not hear that anyone was found with you, so I am sure…there's someone … maybe more than one person…trying to figure out how to rescue you." I smiled down at him…well…as best as I could smile, I haven't really had much practice.   
  
The talking seemed to be helping him, as well as contact. I mixed a few herbs into a cup of milk while he thought about what I had just told him. They were simple herbs, found easily in Mordor…but not anywhere else. If applied in the wrong manner…they would kill in seconds. There were many things about this land that were not written in texts of old. I imagine…no one really believed anything was of use in it.  
  
I finished mixing the cup and held it to his lips. "This will bring down your fever. Its not quite as potent as the alcohol I gave you earlier. That was meant to help you more with putting things out of your mind so I could tend you. These herbs…they will calm you…help you relax."  
  
"What are they called?" he gazed at me curiously and let me help him drink.  
  
"There is no name for them. The plants that grow in this land were not named. For no one would come here to use them. The Orcs have names for them, yes, but I simply identify them by their color and texture."  
  
"Were you a healer in Mirkwood?"  
  
"No…" I smiled, "I did study it though...and was well on my way…My mother however…was."  
  
"I'm sorry…" he then said softly, between sips.  
  
"What for?" I gazed at him curiously, he had nothing to be sorry about.  
  
"I'm not usually…like that." His moodswings were normal…the fever was causing him to feel a variety of different emotions at any given moment. "I accept that I made mistakes…I know I can't change the past."  
  
"But you can't think of the future." I nodded, understanding. "Living in the present is just as well as living any other way, Frodo. If you think too much about the past it will eat you up inside, if you think too much about the future…things might never turn out the way you want them to. My advice to you, my little one, is to simply live in the present. Think about how to get through the next few hours…not days or weeks or months or years. You can't change the past and you can't fix the future. But you can…you can decide what to do in the here and now. You have control over that at least. Even if you do not have control over what is happening around you. You CAN control what you do and what steps you take. And right now…only YOU can decide whether or not you will live through this. I can only help you…I can't make you live Frodo."  
  
Frodo half-smiled…"You sound like Gandalf." His eyes were for the first time not clouded with pain or tears as he remembered his friend.  
  
* * * 


	18. Holding Ground

Author's note : How do I get into my character's heads? Well...all I really do is imagine that I am the one there and think about how I would feel given certain circumstances. Its not easy for a lot of people to step into the shoes of someone else. I have been able to do that on several occasions in my mundane life. (As a scadian I refer to my own real life as my 'mundane' life). If I had the looks for it, I would probably end up being an actress. I'm doing especially good with this fanfic because I've been researching the subject of terror. I do plan eventually to write a book about it. I think that it will be about real life events that I'm familiar with. I've been told I do very well with Horror and am thinking about writing a Horror Novel that deals with the mind. Possibly about someone who is going insane based on their own real life events. I'm also a game master and tend to be able to play many roles at the same time, thats how I can develop instant nbcs and give them personalities. I find that a good fanfic will have realistic non book characters as well as the main characters. Merilas popped into my head one day as a character. I think about how someone could survive 15 years of captivity when I think about how to portray her. I've seen a lot of war films and read a lot about Nazis. I think that my inspiration comes from that actually. I do also feel like this is what Tolkien meant to portray Frodo like but he had so much to write he really couldn't spend too much time on nitpicking events. What I mean is the whole : "The grass is always greener" syndrome mentioned by Andarata. PS, sorry for spelling mistakes, but I am not that good with editing, sorry.  
  
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Chapter 18 : Holding Ground  
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The last few hours had been spent keeping Frodo as warm as I possibly could. The poor Hobbit was suffering a bit of delirium and he was not entirely altogether there. He was absolutely terrified of the Orcs finding us, and I couldn't blame him. He was starting to feel stronger little by little but the more he felt better the worse he felt.   
  
"I can't take it again...Merilas." he whispered softly, "I really can't." he shook his head and his curls fell over his eyes. He gazed up at me desperately. "They are going to find us soon...I know they will..." he drew a ragged breath. "I just don't think I can handle being put on that...being put..." he tried to find the words to describe it. The herbs had managed to bring down the fever to a normal level again, and he was very surprised by that. Herbs in Mordor tended to act quickly, but that was because they were more often used to kill rather than cure.  
  
"Frodo." I held him gently as I rocked him in my arms. "You have more strength in you than you think. Most people can't even handle that once." I stroked his hair gently. The fever was gone, and he was almost exhausted. He was afraid of falling asleep, I could tell. Afraid of where he would wake up. "You've been through it twice."  
  
"I know Meri..." he whimpered, "And after the second time I wanted to just die..." he curled up next to me and stared fretfully at the door. "I don't...." he buried his head in my shoulder and I sighed.   
  
"You can survive, Frodo. Just put your mind somewhere else when it happens." I advised him softly. "Think of something other than what is happening to you. Focus your mind elsewhere. It..." I frowned slightly, "It always works for me."  
  
"You've been through it a lot haven't you Meri..." he looked up at me, and I found myself being lost in his eyes once again. He was so vulnerable right now, and I wished I could get him out of here. "Many times..."  
  
"More times than I can count." I answered grimly.   
  
"Do you really think if I tried to think of somewhere else..." he closed his eyes then and tried hard not to yawn. But he shook in my arms. He needed to sleep.  
  
"Yes Frodo." I assured him gently.   
  
"I'll try, Meri..." he promised me softly as he tried once more to keep his eyes open but failed. Soon...he was asleep in my arms, exhaustion having taken over finally. I watched him as he slept, taking care to make him as comfortable as possible. Once he had been asleep for about an hour I took the chance to bathe and care for his wounds while he would not be in pain.   
  
As I was working, My ears pricked up...someone was coming up the stairwell...No...more than one...the Orcs. I looked down at the small hobbit. "Elbereth Protect you, Frodo." I did not understand why I was calling her to name after so long leaving her out of my mind. For some reason...she was there now and I could not figure out why. I had thought she had long since abandoned me.   
  
And they crashed into the room, forcing open the door with a hefty push. This unfortunately awoke Frodo, who clung to me in fear. I wrapped my arms around him and stared at the group defiantly. Shagrat pushed his way forward.  
  
"What's this...." he pulled back Frodo's head from my chest, using his hair. Frodo cringed in pain. He chortled at my expression. "You've taken to liking little rats, Rose? I thought that was beyond you by now. I'm disappointed in you."  
  
Frodo was dragged away from me and flung to the side. He lay there for a moment, scrambling back. He pressed himself against the wall as Shagrat confronted me. "Leave her alone..." he warned the Orc. A rather impressive site, Frodo's eyes were flashing at the Orc with hatred.  
  
"You." Shagrat spat at the Hobbit. "Aren't in any position to give orders." he leered at the Hobbit then backhanded me across the face. As Frodo swung a fist at Shagrat with all his might, the Orc's hand whipped out and grabbed the Hobbit's wrist, holding him fast. He cried out in pain.  
  
I was taller than Shagrat, but somehow...the Orc looked down at -me-. "At least you've done your job." the Orc Captain chortled and looked back at the hobbit, flinging him into the arms of two of his guards. "Put him back in the room and we'll deal with him later."  
  
Two large Orcs grabbed Frodo, who struggled as best he could. They finally held him fast as pain was clouding his vision. The struggle had not done anything to help his wounds. I glanced over at him and tried my best to smile. "Don't worry Frodo." I promised him.   
  
"Merilas!" he cried out my name as the orcs dragged him out of the room. I tried to get to the Hobbit, but I was shoved back and Shagrat's guards threw me back. There was more than one of them, and they had weapons. I fell against the wall..and sank to the ground. Anger boiled inside of me, and I knew I was ready to kill him finally. Ready to avenge every year of my life with the Orcs. I was ready. I glared at him.  
  
He stared back at me thoughtfully, as though trying to decide what to do with me. I suppose this was the first time I had stood up to him in the years that I had served him. Even when I came to him. They had already broken me. "You betrayed us." he told me flatly. "You will suffer the consequences."  
  
I laughed, licking at some blood that was trickling from my lips. "I betrayed nobody. By Elbereth...I *will* kill you." My eyes flicked around. Had Shagrat not been there I was certain I would have gotten away with getting ahold of a weapon. But after I launched myself forward I realized that with Shagrat directing them...I had little chance of success. But I had to try...for Frodo's sake if not for my own. Elbereth had returned to me, and I was not going to let her down a second time.  
  
* * *   
  
  
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	19. Alone in the Dark

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CHAPTER 19 : Alone in the Darkness  
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I had not stopped fighting even as they dragged me away. I knew it was draining my energy but I didn't care. I couldn't give up. Not anymore. I bit, I lashed out, I kicked and I swung at whatever I could connect to. I was angry, for the first time in a very long time...I was really angry. I didn't want Merilas to be hurt, and I didn't want to be...taken for nothing again. I wasn't -nothing-. I was Frodo Baggins, I'd lived through worse things...the Morgul Blade had hurt far worse than anything I was experiencing here. They were flesh wounds...skin deep only. They would heal. The only thing that wouldn't would be my mind if I let them destroy that. It was all that I had left. My self respect...my dignity...I wouldn't let them take it. I would -not- let them break me. Not Orcs...I hated them..hated them so much I wanted to kill everyone of the mocking faces that accompanied me back to my dungeon in the sky. I wanted them to suffer, to feel the pain that I did. It was probably one of the first few times in my life I really wanted someone to die because of what they were.  
  
I glared at them definately...they expected me to burst into tears and to crumple into a heap. To let them win. I had at first...because of the shock and pain...almost let them...until Merilas had found me. She had given me the strength and will to fight and to see it through. I would not be defeated. I was Frodo Baggins of the Shire, son of Drogo and Primula, The Heir to Bag-End. RingBearer. Nephew of Bilbo Baggins. It would take more than an Orc to destroy me. A Cave Troll...The Balrog...Shelob... Nazgul... I'd lived. I was -still- here. My mind was -still- here. I knew who I was. I was the Ringbearer. I kept hold of that in my mind as I struggled. The Ring...My eyes flashed, I knew that when my anger was stirred it threw others into a corner for once. I wanted that. I needed that now, I needed them to know I was still here. They would not break me.  
  
They finally flung me on a pile of dirty rags in the tower room and backed away as I lay there for a moment, gasping for breath. I looked back at them fiercely, if only I had a weapon. I'd take at least one of them down. I tried to drag myself to my feet, and managed that barely. I stood there..and they laughed at me, but I could tell they were afraid. The Ring was giving me a strength I did not know I possessed...even though it wasn't with me. I was connected to it...it was mine...and it was coming back to me. I stood there in the darkness of the small tower room, my body rigid as I watched them. I could see every move...I was aware of every sound. Something in those herbs that Merilas had given me was bringing back my strength. The power of Mordor, I suspected. The Ring was near. I could feel it. It was coming...  
  
****AUTHOR'S NOTE : This happens when Sam puts on the Ring to get into the tower.****  
  
The Orcs conferred with eachother and finally decided to leave me alone....climbing down the ladder one by one.   
  
"Merilas!" I cried out, "What have you done with her..." I demanded to know...I had no answer and they were far down the hall and gone now. I stood there for a while, alone in the darkness....and saw the shadows begin to dance on the walls. Shadows of shadows to the light of a red glow in a land where the night reigned. I breathed a few times and strained my ears. I thought I heard the ringing of a bell. Perhaps I was mistaken. I thought I heard movement in the tower room...and whipped around.   
  
"Come to us..." I heard the voices of the nazgul in my head. "Bring us the Ring, Halfling." They chanted, spinning around and around in my head until I could take no more. I was too dizzy to stand anymore and I cried out, collapsingl to the ground holding my hands above my head. My anger fled as easily as it had come as I let it go and I began to shiver. I was Frodo Baggins of the Shire...still...I was Frodo Baggins of the shire...still..."Leave me alone!" I sobbed. "Leave me alone..."  
  
I was Frodo Baggins of the Shire. The darkness would not defeat me.  
  
I don't know how long I lay there, holding my head in my hands, trying to will away the shadows and fight the call of the nazgul...I knew it must have been a long time for I was tired...very tired...and every muscle ached. Every cell in my brain wanted me to stop fighting...to let go and to let oblivion take me. I began to see things that weren't there, images of people from the past and I tried hard to keep control.  
  
I was Frodo Baggins of the Shire. The darkness would not defeat me.  
  
It was coming.  
  
I was Frodo Baggins of the Shire. The darkness would not defeat me.  
  
"To be a Ringbearer...is to be alone."  
  
I was alone in the darkness. I would remain here forever. No one would come for me. Nothing....I was nothing in this world. There was nothing left for me. The shadows...the shadows called.  
  
It was coming.  
  
I struggled, crying out. I opened my eyes and looked into the darkness.  
  
"I am Frodo Baggins of the Shire." I told the darkness in defiance.  
  
And then....I heard a sweet sound...a sound...I'd never expected to hear in my life again. A sound that was so welcome to me I almost thought I was hallucinating it. Sam's voice...faint at first...but he was singing...and he was coming this way. Then I saw something large coming up the ladder and I cringed. I could still hear Sam's voice...but that wasn't Sam. Where are you?  
  
The figure was an Orc...Snaga and he was furious. He brandished a whip above me, and let out a string of curses and demanded that I stop singing. In my confusion, I held my hands above my head, protecting what I could. The whip came down once. Then it was raised again and it never came down. The figure fell...in death and surprise...and the most blessed site came into my eyes as I saw what had killed the Orc. A sparkling of gold caught my attention.   
  
"Oh, Mr. Frodo..."   
  
It had come back to me. The precious had returned to its master.  
  
I was Frodo Baggins of the Shire.  
  
Ringbearer.  
  
* * *   
(Still more to come):) 


	20. Moving On

Author's Note : There will be several more chapters. Never Fear. Legolas will be featured shortly.  
  
Frodo's POV  
  
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CHAPTER 20 : Moving On  
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He led me from the Tower and I could barely concentrate. Dear Sam…he'd never let me down and yet…it always seemed that *I* let him down. I'd accused him of thievery…my own best friend. My hand closed over the ring, it -was- heavy. Heavier still now that I was moving away from the Tower. There was something I was forgetting, I clutched Sam.  
  
"We have to go back." I whimpered. I was feeling wretched, everything ached and Sam was practically carrying me.  
  
"Now then, Mr. Frodo. We've got everythin' we're going to get and we have to go on. We've got to get to the Mountain." Sam urged me to continue, though I was stuck in my tracks, my eyes riveted back towards the tower, towards the room where I had writhed in pain…where she…  
  
"Rose!" I cried out. "She's still there, Sam…" I moaned, collapsing against him. "We have to save Rose…We have to go back…"  
  
Sam blinked at me in confusion, "Rosie?" he held me up as best he could but could tell that I was in bad shape. He needed to get me somewhere where he could tend what was left of me so we could get to the Mountain. "There now, Mr. Frodo." he supported me. He was shorter, but he was heftier than I was. Sam had so much strength in him. So much more stamina. He was practically carrying me now.  
  
"She's there." I sobbed. "Please, Sam…we can't leave her."  
  
"Don't reckon I know what you're on about, Mr. Frodo. Ain't nothing but Yrch there." he pressed me onward, not letting us stop further for he was sure of the enemy close behind us. "Rosie's safe home in the Shire now, don't you worry about a thing. I'll take care of everything, you just lean on me." He was most definitely confused, but he also knew that he needed to stitch my side before we could go on. He had to find a place where he could put me down. "Relax, there. You're safe now, Frodo. I've got you."  
  
"But Sam…" My heart fell into my stomach and I couldn't think. Was Sam right? Had she been just another illusion? A dream? I looked back at the tower once again as I let Sam lead me away. She had been too real to be a dream…but…the ring was heavy. Our task was not yet complete. We couldn't risk going back into the Tower after a dream. Sam was quite right…as usual. I closed my eyes in pain. But it was not the Ring that dominated my vision this time. It was Merilas…and what they must be doing to her….if she was even real. I suppose I could have made her up…sometimes…when everything hurt too much I did tend to do that. "Meri…" I whimpered and collapsed. Sam after all…did have to carry me to safety. If we could ever really be safe in Mordor.  
  
Sam had found a small cave and went to work tending to me. It was strange. It was dark…and yet…I didn't feel the darkness as I had in the tower. I lay with my head propped up on Sam's bedroll. He'd stripped down my chest and was working quickly applying salve to my wounds. His chin was set in determination as his thick fingers deftly worked together a piece of thread. Where Sam had got thread thick enough to perform stitches I had no idea. He was a resourceful one, that was certain. I looked at him and he smiled grimly at me. "Don't worry, Mr. Frodo. This is going to hurt, but I have to stitch this up or it will keep breaking open. I wish I had something for the pain…but you're going to have to be strong now."  
  
Be strong…Well…I laughed brokenly…that's a pair of words that had been used before to me. Many times. My head swam with visions of the last fourty-eight odd hours. Only a couple of days of my life…but some of the worst I'd ever faced. I grimaced as he washed the wound thoroughly. Sam also had a needle. This -was- going to hurt. But it was nothing compared to what they…what they did to my body in the Tower. This was a walk in the park. Sweat began to build on my forehead as I anticipated him starting.  
  
I hadn't really spoken much and Sam had never asked me what happened. Not yet anyway. He worked his fingers quickly through my flesh…stiching the two inch mark left by the jagged whip. I suppose if I hadn't have moved when it had connected it wouldn't have left such a terrible scar. I would remember it for the rest of my days. I would remember the Tower. I would remember…was she a dream? How could something of such light have existed for so long in the darkness. I had been imagining things…I must have been.  
  
After what seemed like hours it was done and I had let out not one cry. I think it worried Sam because he looked at me with an unfathomable expression. He had no idea what had happened to me, but I think he was beginning to understand and I wished that he never had to think of such things. He dabbed a cool cloth on my forehead, wiping away the sweat. Then cleaned the blood from my side. He took a bandage…somehow he still had clean linen. I don't know how he did it. That was the worst of the scars, really…the one that had kept bleeding.  
  
"You've lost a lot of blood, Mr. Frodo. But you're going to be okay."  
  
Okay…I smiled at the irony of that word. I'd never be okay again. The tears were beginning to build, I could feel them.  
  
Sam must have seen that look for he did something that I'd never expected him to do. He sighed and then he took me in his arms as he might a child. He patted my back gently, "There now, Mr. Frodo." he whispered in a gentle rumble. "You just let it out…Sam's here…I'll take care of everything."  
  
And I began to cry. Not the tears of pain, nor sorrow…but for myself. What I had been through. Everything that I was now, everything that had happened. For him…for everyone who had died. For Gandalf…for Merilas. It was up to the two of us now. We had to make it. But there was something in the back of my head that was making me cry. There was a feeling that was burning deep in my heart.  
  
I did not want to destroy the Ring.  
  
It was mine.  
  
My own.  
  
My Precious. 


	21. Back Into the Light

Author's Note : I'm writing a lot today.J Not certain why. Could be because I'd rather write than job search. Anyhoo…maybe someone will pay me for writing one day. What happened to Merilas? Read on…  
  
Merilas POV  
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CHAPTER 21 : Back to the Light  
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I don't remember -when- I got knocked out. Only that I had been after the fourth Orc went down. I had managed to cut Shagrat…but had not defeated him. Orcs…when led by someone with intelligence were difficult if not impossible to deal with. I faded in and out of consciousness from whatever they had used to knock me out. I was back in my room in the tower, my hands bound. The first thing I did when I woke was wince at the pain of the tight rope.  
  
"Frodo…" The Hobbit's name lept into my head, "Where was he?"   
  
I looked around but was alone in the small room. The window was barred and locked shut. I dragged myself to a sitting position, my head reeling. Using my sleeve I wiped at my mouth. I had almost killed Shagrat, I remembered…I had had the blade to his throat and cut his cheek. But they had overpowered me. He had dragged me here.  
  
The door was wrenched open and Shagrat glared at me. He stomped into the room and dragged me to my feet. "Elf scum." his beady eyes bore into mine. I tried to struggle, but was weak from loss of blood. "Who is it that's in the tower? Which Lord?" He growled fiercely and shook me. "Tell me." He had a bundle with him…a glint of something that looked silvery…a bit like Mithril. My eyes gleamed. His room was linked to mine. He looked like he'd been in some kind of scuffle.  
  
I didn't answer, but merely glared back at him. He growled in fustration. Something was -obviously- going wrong in the tower. He never usually looked that desperate. "Did you lose the Rat after all?" I taunted, and was thrown aside, my shoulder hitting the post of the bed for my trouble. They -had-. I began to laugh. "Whose the betrayer now, Shagrat. You let someone into the Tower didn't you? You let them get under your very noses. That's what the bells were for." I coughed as he hit me once again.  
  
"You be quiet!" He hissed. "Or I'll take care of you once and for all." he growled as he heard more alarms going off.   
  
"He's gone." I continued to laugh, suddenly realizing what was going on. Frodo had been rescued. "He escaped. You let a -HOBBIT- escape. Shagrat…you are finished." I picked myself up and leant against the bed. "You're nothing anymore. You're career in terror is -over-. Saruman will have you brought to him, and you'll beg for death just like everyone else you butchered. "  
  
"Shut Up! Shut UP!" he croaked.  
  
"He's in here!" I called out at the top of my lungs, and was belted once again. "You're never getting out of here alive, Shagrat, not with what -you're- holding in your arms. Not with what you've done. You're a fool. A sniveling coward that deserves no better than death." as I was against the bed once again…I was struggling with the bonds around my wrists, easing myself out of them.   
  
He jumped in confused fear as he heard troops moving everywhere in the tower, calling for the Captain. Shagrat turned away and I took that opportunity. I slipped out of my bonds and lunged forward, grabbing for one of his daggers. I flipped it in my hand and we fought. His sword was longer than the dagger and I was at a disadvantage with the chains on my feet. But…he had the key…and I would kill him. He was agitated…and I was calm.  
  
"15 years…" I spat out in black speech. "You kept me here in this land. You destroyed everything that was light about me. You." Not really him, I knew…not all the time…but he was the one that would keep me awake at night. He was the one who disfigured me, made me his own. "I always thought you were invincible, you stood up to everyone in the army here, you were strong, even Snaga feared you. Now look at you. You're nothing. You're diminished. You lost a -hobbit-. You let something that was half your strength get the better of you. Its over, Shagrat. You underestimated your enemy, and for that if I don't kill you now, Saruman will. You are master of no one now." I lept forward, and decided to use my chains as an advantage, whipping my legs around to tangle him. I forced the sword from his hand as we fell to the floor, and held him fast. The bundle was dropped onto the ground…and I knew what it was…Mithril chain…the finest light that the elves had to offer.   
  
He stared at me as my chains weighted down his legs, and I held the dagger to his throat. "You can't do it." he jeered. "You won't kill me."  
  
I thought about Frodo…I thought about the seven who died…I thought about my life…what it would never be, what I had lost, what parts of me would never heal. I shook my head, "I should have done this 10 years ago. Never again will your hand touch the flesh of light." My eyes held a terrible glint to them as I sliced the dagger once. .  
  
His eyes bugged out in astonishment…blood spilled…and he choked and writhed on the floor. I watched, rising. I balanced on my knees and went to grab the bundle before the pool of blood that was forming touched it. I searched around at his belt for the keys to my chains and I found them. The last act he saw was me dropping the heavy chains on his stomach, holding the bundle of Mithril in my arm.   
  
"Die like the dog you are, Yrch." Those were my last words ever spoken in the black tongue of Mordor. I turned towards the door. That's when I saw something gleaming there. I opened my eyes a little wider…it shimmered and sparkled and a wave of peace washed over me. Then it was gone.   
  
For the first time… in many many years an image rose to my mind. A light I had long banished to the back of my mind, a feeling that had been trapped under the skin and armor I had built up around my heart. I opened the door of the room…and stepped out of the darkness and I didn't look back.  
  
* * *   
  
Author's Note : Yes I know that the mithril chain was one of the things given to Gandalf. I couldn't find anywhere where Shagrat died. So let us just imagine for the sake of this fanfic that She killed him. If anyone knows what -actually- happened to Shagrat…tell me what pages they're on…Hm. Well, Merilas won't be back for a couple of chapters. Sauron gets ahold of the stuff she has eventually. You'll understand when I write the next chapter of Merilas. 


	22. Falling Down

(Whew….Down to the final…6 or so chapters….)  
AUTHOR'S NOTE : Frodo is in Minas Tirith. Everything is over. Aragorn is Married to Arwen and they are about to go home to the Shire soon. Everyone's favorite Elf….(Legolas) is in this chapter. Sorry to jump ahead so far but there really isn't much to write about between the Tower and the ending . Anyway, Ya'll want to see what happens, don't you? Besides…after last chapter…you probably want some cute hobbit cuddling.J  
  
LEGOLAS POV  
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CHAPTER 22 : Falling Down  
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I had seen him from across the room during the feast after the Wedding. He tried to look and act normal. He was eating a little something of everything. But…only a little. It gave the illusion that his appetite was back and got people to stop smothering him. Pride…he was clinging to it. I saw the glances that he occasionally exchanged with Samwise. He was not fully mended. There was something troubling him. Something that still lurked deep in his heart. He moved slower than he used to, and I kept my eye on him throughout the entire feast. I saw him getting more and more weary…yet he didn't want to disappoint anyone. Finally…long into the night he stumbled to his feet and made his way back to his room. I followed him for what I knew would happened…did. He collapsed halfway there. I rushed to his side, and picked him up off the floor.   
  
"Legolas?" Frodo did try and stop me from lifting him up entirely. "You were following me?"  
  
"I was watching you." It was not entirely the answer he wanted.  
  
"I'm fully capable of walking…" he tried to argue. I shook my head.  
  
"You are not." and that was the end of that. He seemed to know it was better to just let me do what I had to do than to attempt to tell me something wasn't what I thought it was. I could see more than most. It was my gift. I was an elf. I carried him solemnly to his room and kicked open the door gently with my foot. He didn't speak, but lay with his head against my chest. It was nigh…perhaps 3 or 4 in the morning. Dawn would be coming soon. I lay him on the fresh bed sheets, pulling back the blanket and looked at him seriously. "You've been sick all evening."  
  
"H-how did you know?" He shrank a little away from me. I was not one of the people who normally stood by him when he was ill. They were all asleep right now, having had a night of revelry.   
  
"The King bade me to watch you because he would be busy. He thought that you might try something like this." My voice was firm and crisp, and I was not used to making it seem comforting. I was actually just a bit irritated with him. He had too much Pride. After what he'd been through, he could not afford Pride.   
  
He looked away. "You all must think that I'm going to break at any second." he glanced at the water by his bedside and reached over for it. His hand was shaking…very subtly…but it was. His fingers touched the glass…but fumbled and would have knocked it over had I not reached for it in a split second and steadied the drink.  
  
"No." I shook my head seriously, "We are just concerned." I did not blink, or change expression. He looked at the glass in my hand, and then at me. I leaned over a little and helped him to take a drink from it. "You do too much. Your mission is over, Frodo, you have no need to push yourself."  
  
"I…" he nodded as I put the glass back on the table, "Its j-just that I don't want to disappoint anyone…" and then he began to cough. A rasping sound that he'd been holding back all evening. I frowned slightly, "Frodo…how long have you had that?"   
  
His voice began to take on a hoarse quality to it…"Three days…" he sighed, knowing it best not to try and lie to me. He rubbed his chest that likely ached quite a bit. "It only…really got worse…today….after … so many speeches … and all the activity. I'd been keeping it.." he broke off into a spasm of hoarse coughs, "Keeping it…from getting worse with juice…and water…"  
  
I sighed. Mortals were easily susceptible to such things, and it seemed that this particular Hobbit more than most. "You should have said something sooner, Frodo." I told him crisply. He flinched slightly at my tone.  
  
"Well, now, Legolas, I'm sure that he meant to. He's just been distracted, right Frodo?" Aragorn leant in the doorway, dressed in a robe and slippers. "One of my people said you'd passed out. Arwen asked me to come and find out what was wrong."  
  
Frodo sat up further in bed, blushing. "Y-yes…Estel…its your wedding night…You … " he coughed miserably. "You shouldn't be here…" He was starting to shiver a bit…from cold I thought.  
  
Legolas looked a the King who shrugged nonchalantly. "Thank-you, Legolas." he walked over to the edge of the bed and turned on the lamp light. "Arwen wouldn't have it any other way, Frodo. We've got years ahead , my friend. No need to fret about that. Lets see what's up in there." I watched, quite amazed that he had left his wedding bed to come and tend the Halfling.   
  
I stepped back to the other side of the bed while the King checked Frodo's throat and felt against the side of his neck. I folded my arms, studying the scene before me etching every detail to mind as was my habit. "It hurts when I swallow." Frodo nodded to one of Aragorn's questions. "And I'm…cold…could I have another blanket please?"  
  
Someone came in with a mixture of tea…and a glass of juice with crushed ice in it, they lay it on the table. Apparently it had been asked for as Aragorn had made his way to Frodo's room. I simply watched. "Legolas would you be good enough to fetch a blanket from that chest over there." Aragorn asked me. I obeyed…after all…he was the King.  
  
"Drink some of this Frodo. There's a good lad." Aragorn had Frodo drink a bit of the tea, yet the hobbit was still shivering.  
  
"T-too cold…Estel…" Frodo's eyes lidded as I brought over the blanket.  
  
Aragorn felt his forehead and his cheeks. "Its as I suspected. He's come down with something…his throat is red and sore." The King helped me shake out the blanket and we tucked them around the hobbit. But it was the next words spoken by the Ringbearer that made my blood run cold and my heart freeze.  
  
"Thank you, Merilas…" Frodo's eyes were closed now, and its possible he was rambling. But…Aragorn had heard the name quite clearly as well and his eyes snapped to mine.   
  
"No…Legolas…" He tried to warn me, but I clutched at Frodo's shoulders and shook him awake.  
  
"Frodo…Frodo where did you hear that name?" His eyes snapped open in fear as he looked at me as though I was some kind of demon. He must have been hallucinating. "Please…you -have- to tell me. Frodo…"  
  
Aragorn yanked me off the hobbit and glared, holding me back. "No, Legolas." he warned.   
  
"But he…"  
  
"I know what he said. I heard it to. He's in no condition to be questioned." I paced back and forth while the King watched me. Frodo watched the both of us, cringing back, then his eyes lidded again and he looked far away.  
  
"I have to know…" I stared almost desperately at the hobbit. The first time I'd heard anyone speak that name…since…in so many years…I took a deep breath. "Please…"  
  
"NOT now." Aragorn stood up. "Out." he ordered for he knew I could not stand idly by anymore this night. And I obeyed…the door was closed behind me.  
  
I stood there for a long time…I don't know how long. Merilas. How could the Hobbit have known about her? None of the fellowship knew…except Gimli. I leant against the wall, my legendary strength was fading and I closed my eyes. Did I dare to hope…every other time had led to nothing. Could she be alive?….I opened my eyes once again and pushed myself away from the wall. I had to pull myself together. I walked down the hallway back towards the feast hall where I knew Gimli would be.   
  
* * * 


	23. Desperation

Author's Note : I love all the reviews that this story is getting.J Its very encouraging! Thank-you so much! Hmm…okay…well I suppose I could have more than six chapters, Lily.JJ  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Chapter 22 : Desperation  
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Frodo lay in the bed while I tended him, not saying a great deal. I could tell that something was troubling him and he was thinking too much. He moved when I told him to, and drank what I prepared. His throat was raw and sore, but there was more to it than he was letting on. Finally once I had him snug in bed and tucked up the covers I looked at him seriously and sat on the edge of the bed.  
  
"Now then, Frodo." I said softly, like a father might his son. For that's what he often seemed to me. I had tended him so often in the wild, and on the quest. This time though…it was something more than a sore throat and a fever. He was troubled…and something was hurting him. "Why don't you tell me what's going through that brain of yours."   
  
".Estel….Strider.." he coughed faintly. "No one…well.." he shook his head. "I just have had some very bad dreams recently." he rubbed his wounded hand. "I…" he looked at me and looked away. "Sam said I was hallucinating…that…" he tried to balance himself against the pillows and then sunk back down a little, feeling dizzy I suspected.  
  
I reached over and put my hand against his forehead, he was becoming far too warm for my liking…the medicine would soon work though. "Hallucinating about what, Frodo?"  
  
"I think…" Frodo opened his eyes again, they were shimmering…as though he wanted to cry but had something to get out first. "I think he just didn't want me to talk about it. To tell him. He…didn't want to know, Strider…what happened."  
  
"What happened where?"  
  
"In the Tower…" Frodo's eyes bore into me, I think almost…he was testing me. Testing my reaction. Everytime I thought about what might have happened to him there my blood boiled and I wanted to kill something. I kept myself calm though, he didn't need anger…he needed understanding. I think…he also needed to talk about it. I thought about what Arwen had said to me tonight after I left her resting in our bed.   
  
"Take care of him, Estel. You must remember what it was like to not have what you needed when you were a child. He looks up to you. He needs your strength now…more than ever. I need you too…but he must be first in our hearts right now. Trust me, Melleth."  
And I trusted her with all my heart and love, I smiled at Frodo grimly, but with as much encouragement as I could. He was looking at me as if he half expected me to turn away…or disregard him. My hand moved down to close over both of his in comfort. "Tell me, Frodo. Tell me what's troubling you."  
  
Surprise was evident in his eyes as he opened them a bit wider with astonishment. I was fairly sure he had not been able to talk about this to anyone yet. He glanced towards the door that Legolas had went through only a half an hour before. "I…" he closed his eyes and then opened them again. "You know…mostly…what must have happened…but I have to tell you something…maybe…maybe you'll believe me. I don't know…I hardly believe myself…" he coughed then and I made him drink some more of the mixture that I had prepared. Once he was steady, he let my hands clasp his as he continued.  
  
"Strider…it was awful…I felt…so alone. Have you ever imagined what it would be like to constantly feel when you did not want to? Every touch…every…" he swallowed…"Every snap…made me wish I was dead…I almost gave up…the second time…they…they hurt me, Strider. They pushed me until I was near passing out from pain…it was terrible." he shivered, trying to block the memory out, I supposed. I do not know what the look was like on my face when I listened…horrorified….I was sure…"They…did things, Strider I don't want to describe them. I can't…" he shuddered. "Again…and again…until I thought I could bear no more. Then…they left me in that room where Sam found me. But…" he motioned for the drink and I brought it to him. He took a few sips and then relaxed just a bit. I think my presence was comforting to him. "I…someone was there Strider…" he fumbled for an explanation. I knitted my brows together.   
  
"She…Please don't think I'm crazy…Sam said I was imagining it…maybe he's right. But…..Legolas…recognized her name…and now…Now I have to deal with it. I can't let it go." Frodo looked at me seriously and I knew he was not lying, or making things up to get attention. He wanted me to understand…to tell him everything was going to be alright and I wasn't sure I could just then.  
  
"Go on….Frodo." I told him softly, still holding his hands within mine, it was the best comfort I could give at the moment, and one of the main things he needed.  
  
He took a deep breathe. "She…was an elf…she had been…a prisoner for a long time." he strived for explanation. "She…they had destroyed her, Strider….but…she found herself within me…she…tried to help me, and I think…I think they killed her, Strider. I don't know…Her name was Merilas…She was from Mirkwood. If it hadn't been for her…I may not have survived until Sam found me."  
  
Legolas was standing in the doorway staring at us, I whipped my head around at him but Frodo had known he was there and steadied me from leaping up. The Prince stood as though frozen, his eyes fixed on Frodo. Gimli was at his side, a grim expression on the dwarf.   
  
"Frodo." Legolas said softly, his voice was a whisper. "Did this Elvin lady you speak of." his eyes were such that I had never seen before. Intense…desperate…longing. He was showing feeling…and that was something that I had never seen Legolas do. This was not just feeling though…but a deeply buried emotion that he must have been holding for years. "Did she…have a birthmark…on her hand…"  
  
Frodo nodded, he looked directly at Legolas, "A Rose." he shivered a little and I pulled the blankets up around him again, frowning at the elf and the dwarf for coming back into the room when I had forbidden them entry.  
  
"Elbereth." Legolas collapsed into a nearby chair. He ran his fingers through his hair and Gimli stood by him.   
  
"Frodo." Gimli's voice was gruff. "This Elleth you speak of." his arms folded across his chest as he looked to his friend. "Was to be Legolas' bride. He's been searching for her for many years. You must tell us everything you can so that we might be able to locate her."  
  
My mouth dropped open as I stared at the elf. This was something I'd never heard of. Nor had I expected. I'd often wondered where Legolas' hatred for orcs came from. It was not just because they were Orcs…it had run deeper than I could have possibly imagined.  
  
It was at that moment of stunned silence that Arwen walked in, light flowing from her features as she always did. Frodo was shivering still in the bed, reminded of his encounter in the Tower close at hand as he was trying hard to. She stared at all of us reproachfully as she took the small hobbit into her arms. I would have been jealous, had it been any other male I suppose, but Frodo…he had begun to cry. "I…I think they killed her…" he whimpered fretfully. "Please…find her…" Arwen held the Ring bearer , rocking him gently.   
  
"Go now…all of you.. Have you no shame? Let him answer when he is able. Not when he is ill."   
  
And none of us would refuse the words of the Queen, me least of all.  
  
* * * 


	24. Hope

AUTHOR'S NOTE : :- Didn't think I'd leave you just there today didja!?! Bah, I can't spell. I've already admitted it. Elven Elvin everyone knows what I'm talking about the cute elf.!…Yeah, Baby…jump around in those tights! (Fans herself)  
  
Hugs Miss. Hobbit. But for you I'll spell it Elven.  
  
Legolas' POV  
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Chapter 24 : Hope  
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As we left the room, Aragorn shut the door and looked at Gimli and I. I looked away, trying hard to control my emotion as I once did. Everything was spilling about around me and I felt…exposed. I knew he was watching me…waiting for me to speak. Both of them were. I put my hands on my hips and stood there, looking off to the side. A feeling was building inside of me I hadn't dared to experience since she was taken.  
  
"Legolas." Aragorn finally said, looking at me seriously. "What's going on?"  
  
I took a deep breath and glanced down at Gimli who was watching me in concern. Strange…I had never felt that I would ever be friendly with a dwarf, much less tell him as much as I had about my past. "Estel." I stood where I was, my hands on my hips to keep them from trembling. "Some time ago…many years for a human, I suppose…15 to be exact…a long time ago I had been told by my father to pick a bride for the future. It was unnatural, he said to me, that I had spent so long without becoming attached, without finding the mate to my soul. It was not that he wanted heirs…but that he was concerned for me. I asked him why now, of all times, and he bade me open my eyes and look around at the ones that were available to me…rather than seek what I might never find."   
  
It was difficult…talking about it, but it had to be said. "There were many, and my father had asked me to choose someone to get to know and he would arrange for her to spend time with me. Don't think, Aragorn, that it was like a fairy tale. The Great Elven Prince…choosing a bride out of a selection and falling head over heels. Far from that, I promise you. It was not even a duty. I did not -have- to do it. My father was simply trying to open my eyes to possibilities. He did not understand that I didn't want the first maiden to come along. Surely you must understand, Estel…how it was with you and Arwen."   
  
I began to pace back and forth, agitated, "I wanted that…I didn't simply want to choose. It would be like picking a flower from a selection and declaring it the most beautiful of all, though like the others in time that beauty would fade and the moment would be gone. My eyes saw beauty…all the time. But…" I leant against one of the windowsills looking out over the White City. "I wanted more, I still want more. I will not settle for the first among the flowers…or the last. I…" I found myself to be rambling a little…and I never rambled. I strove for greater control.  
  
"There was one that my father wanted me to get to know better because she was the daughter of one of his greatest friends. He never once suggested her, I know. He wanted me to pick." I smiled then as a vision of her face came to my mind. Defiant, to the last…her blue eyes were much like Frodo's in a way. They were framed by a sea of gold that was her hair. In the right light…I could almost imagine sparkles of blue and green…yet what I remembered was the set determination of her chin…how she would never take no for an answer and how she was always trying to do what she did not know how. Her spirit was indomitable…and I -had- been attracted to it. She was young for an elf…not much more than a five hundred. I had not wanted to tie her to me…not yet. For a while I thought about her…bringing her to my mind from the depths of my soul. Gimili nudged me and I realized I had stopped the tale.  
  
"So…I did pick the one that he wanted…for no one quite had what she had in her eyes. And if I could not please myself, at least my father would be pleased. She both amused and irritated me…and my father made sure that she spent time with me. " I smiled, remembering more than one argument. "Her name was Merilas…and she did…" I swallowed…remembering Frodo's words. "She had a birthmark on her hand…it was shaped almost like a rose. I…she was lost…15 years ago…" I looked out towards the sea. "Captured by Orcs that had lurked on the edges of Greenwood…along with one of my friends and six of my comrades. She…had…" Gimli knew the whole story, but I was not going to tell Estel…not now. "I had been distracted that night…or … else I could have stopped them."   
  
Estel smiled grimly, his lips in a thin line as he listened to my tale. "And you have been searching for her all this time?"  
  
"When I have the chance to, yes. But every lead has turned to naught…every stone a dead-end. I haven't heard anything about her for at least seven years…until the Ringbearer spoke her name." I looked back at Frodo's room and it must have seemed like I wanted to rush in there and talk to him again for the King stepped in front of me.  
  
He looked thoughtful. "If she was with him at Cirith Ungol…she might yet be alive…there were many souls that we rescued from the Yrch."  
  
"There are prisoners." Gimli spoke up. "There is a camp about 5 miles out of the city where the Dain took prisoners to be sorted through from all the fortresses that we conquered."  
  
My heart nearly froze at the idea…seeing her again. What could I say to her? I had failed…I had not been able to find her…would she hate me? I looked at Gimli, and then to Estel. "May I have leave to search the camp?" My voice was calmer than I felt. I wanted to scream…every muscle in my body was taunt and rigid. Emotion churned within me and I desperately tried to control it.  
  
Estel must have seen it in my eyes for it surprised him considerably. "Go with Gimli, I will write a letter for you to give to the Warden."  
  
  
The door opened from Frodo's room, "Estel…" Arwen's voice was clear, "He's getting worse…come…"  
  
And from within the room we could hear cries of pain…my heart melted…they were from Frodo. He was curled up in a little ball in the bed, shivering. Arwen and Aragorn on either side of him as they tried to soothe him. He was recalling the past…his time in the darkness of Mordor. With the King's help they managed to uncurl his arms and he collapsed against the Queen.   
  
Aragorn was making him drink something to calm the pain that he felt while Arwen soothed him with an elvish song. His face was drawn and pale, and it was only then I noticed how thin he was.  
  
He opened his eyes to look at me and I stepped backwards from the anguish that I saw within. If Frodo had only spent a mere day in the hands of the Yrch…I looked away, tears were building in my eyes as Gimli nudged me out of the room. If he had only been there for a day…what…what could possibly have become of her…I stood there for a long moment, shaking.  
  
Gimli grunted, "We'll find her. Lets get prepared."  
  
* * * 


	25. Remembering the Pain

AUTHOR'S NOTE :   
  
Elrinna : Sowwy about that. *Rufferto (Groo The Wanderer's dog (www.groo.com) wags its tail hopefully* I confuse myself sometimes. Its not easy when you're trying to get the viewpoints of several different characters involved. I forgot to mention that chapter was in Aragorn's POV. Silly Me! Will try and remember to put the POV's at the top. Thank you for bringing it up! *begs for a Scooby Snack!* Arrooo? *looks very cute*  
  
Merilas Lovers : She'll be in the next chapter after this one! Will Leggy find her?….Okay…I said there'd only be six chapters but since you all wanted more, I decided to throw in a few more for you…and a bit of Frodo cuddling. Poor Hobbit. He needs it.  
  
Frodo's POV (This Chapter For Lily Baggins!)  
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Chapter 25 : Remembering The Pain  
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I curled up against Arwen, my eyes were closed. I knew…mostly where I was. It was just that I could see things I did not want to see. Ever since the Ring was destroyed I'd been having terrible nightmares. I wanted…well…there was a lot that I wanted that I could not have right now. Mostly…I just felt like I had failed..even though it was destroyed I hadn't been the one to do it. All I did was take it there.. I kept myself together through the parties…and the wedding…and now…now I just couldn't keep everything inside anymore. We were going to be going home soon…and…and I … nothing would ever be the same in the Shire again for me. We had all changed, I knew…  
  
My throat had been bothering me for the last week or so, but I hadn't wanted to tell anyone about it. I was tired of…always needed someone to take care of me. Would it never end? Would I never be able to walk on my own two feet? There were things I wanted to do. There was…there was…well…I knew I had to pass through Rivendell.  
  
"Arwen…" I shivered. "Its cold…Why is it so dark in here?" I clung to her. She was warm…and had always cared about me, I think. She always seemed to understand. She let me rest my head against her as I tried to shut out the images. A whip coming down…I cringed…It felt as though my ribs were cracking…I remembered the hands pulling against the ropes that bound me. I saw him…I shuddered. Every muscle in my body ached…and yet…he continued to ask me the same questions over and over again…"Its dark…" I began to cry…I could not stop the tears. Hands were reaching out to me and I cringed away from them.   
  
"Frodo, Its alright…Your safe now." I heard what must be Aragorn's voice…his large hands on my shoulders, soothing.  
  
"The tea is not working, Aragorn…He's got a fever…and he is not remembering where he is." I heard Arwen tell him gently…then they began speaking quickly in Elvish and I was in too much pain to try and understand. All I could feel was the twisting rope as it pulled against my skin…and the other things…that they did to me. I shivered.   
  
"I'm cold…" I whimpered…my voice was hoarse and unnatural to me. "Please…"  
  
I felt Arwen remove my shirt and lay me against the pillows. They were bathing my chest and neck. I supposed I must have been sweating. They tried to get me to drink some juice…but I didn't want anything in my throat…it hurt too much and I refused. I was seeing four faces…four dark shadows…swathed in blackness…reaching their hands to me…I cried out in pain. I felt something against my lips…ice…it tasted good…no…it wasn't ice…it was cold. Frozen juice…it felt good melting in my throat. I let them give me a few more before turning away.  
  
I couldn't feel my hand anymore…was it still there? I began to shiver again. Cold…Too dark…a sea of faces swirled in my memory. I tried to move my legs but they felt heavy and lethargic. My whole body seemed to be numb with pain and each move was an effort I did not want to make. I opened my eyes and misty darkness still swam around me. My shoulder felt like it was frozen solid. And yet they moved me...again and again…I just wanted to lay still…lie in someone's arms…and be held. "Stop…stop…" I begged.  
  
And the moving stopped, I found myself lying between Arwen and Aragorn as they cradled me quietly. I was finally able to see again as I looked between them. Arwen drew a cool cloth and dabbed my forehead and cheeks with it gently and I saw that dawn was breaking.  
  
"Its over, Frodo…You're safe." Aragorn assured me. He'd been holding his hand over one of mine.   
  
"I can still see them…" I shook my head and closed my eyes painfully. "Its not over."  
  
Arwen was holding something to my lips. "Take something to eat Frodo…this will be good on your throat. As much as you can…you haven't eaten for two days."  
  
I barely felt my stomach as it was…but maybe…if I ate something…she would hold me again. I opened my mouth. She spooned the cream in. It was frozen…and tasted a little like raspberries. It began to melt easily in my warm mouth. I sighed softly…it did taste good. Another spoonful was offered and I gladly accepted. It was not harsh on my throat. I let her feed me…first the raspberry cream…then some warm applesauce. After that I really could not get anything more down. I turned my head away, still not opening my eyes. I did not want this to be a dream. I'd often dreamed in the tower…when I was in pain…and I would wake up…and then…tears welled in my eyes. I couldn't get it out of my head.  
  
And she did hold me.   
  
"He'll be better when the fever is gone." Aragorn told Arwen gently, "Just keep him comforted. He's remembering the past…and the only thing we can do is continue to reassure him. Let him know he's cared for. Let him know he's safe."  
  
"Frodo…" Arwen's voice was very soft. "Its allright, Frodo."  
  
It would never be alright.  
  
Ever again. 


	26. Freedom

Author's note : Okay…for this chapter…you have to put the theme song for the Titanic on while reading it! Okay…so this chapter is sad. I promise though that this isn't the last chapter with Merilas in it! Nor is it the last chapter with Legolas.   
  
Next up. Frodo has a visitor. Aragorn tries to find the Prince.  
  
Merilas POV  
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Chapter 26 : Freedom  
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It was raining…and dark clouds billowed in the sky above.  
  
I looked out over the sea of faces that I knew only in passing, but I knew all that they had been through because I was standing under the canopy a bowl of hot soup cupped in my hands. We had been waiting for the Gondorians to sort through us and to figure out what they were going to do with us. I had been listening…and there was something about helping people get back to their lands.  
  
My lands.  
  
I laughed to myself. I had no lands. They had nearly killed me…but one had realized I was not fully an Orc…though I had almost wished he -had- killed me. After lunch they separated us into groups. They were taking us into the city in small groups so that they could orient us and then send us on our way. They had spent several weeks helping many of the prisoners emotionally and physically. I had…assisted in that.  
  
I was the only elf…but I had not listed my race as elf. I had put down 'half-Orc'. There were many of those…and yes…by my appearance. I had given my story as born into slavery. I did not want these men to know I was an elf. I did not want them to summon the Elven Lords I knew were in the city. I really had no land to go home to…nothing. I had given my name as Rose.  
  
There was one more thing in this world that I planned to do…and then I would wander the lands of Middle Earth forever….apart from the elves. Try and find an absolution…I had no place in their society anymore…and I had many things to forget. I felt the small item in my pocket. It had belonged to Frodo, and I meant to give it back to him. I had managed to stop them from taking it…to hide it. I knew he was still in the White City for I had been listening to the news. I planned on finding my way to him in secret. I had learned in all my years in the Tower how to move quietly. That was why the chains had been put on my feet. No one would discover me if I did not want them to, and no magic was used.  
  
My group was the first to go, and it still rained. I was in the middle of a sea of about 50 ex slaves and prisoners when I felt a presence that I had not felt in long time. I heard raised voices as we moved forward. It was difficult to discern what was being said over the rain but they both sounded angry. I turned around…still being shuffled forward by the group. Pushed out of the camp. That's when…I saw him.  
  
He stood by the warden, rain plastering his hair to his face as he talked with him. There was a dwarf at his side. I stared…letting the people move me farther and farther away. I struggled only for a few moments, trying to make the moment last. I almost forgot everything…forgot what had happened to me…forgot the last fifteen years. He was there. I wanted…I wanted to go to him, but something steeled my heart. I couldn't let him see what had become of me.  
  
I wanted to run to him…to fling myself in his arms. But I didn't even know if he had loved me at all. For all I know he was looking for someone else. After all…he'd never found me. Maybe he'd never even looked. Maybe he hadn't cared after all. I was no longer an elf. I had cast aside that part of me…all that I could….I almost reached out to him.  
  
Legolas.  
  
He turned and looked in the direction of the leaving prisoners and I looked away, pulling my hood down. I let myself be led away…following the group. I glanced back only once and he was watching us, but he did not see me. How could he? I was one of many…and he would never recognize me anyway if he saw me.   
  
I would never forget the look in his eyes. They must have just told him there were no elven prisoners. In the rain and cold we were led to the White City where warmth and the protection of Gondor awaited us.  
  
I didn't want the warmth and protection of Gondor.  
  
Once we were in the city, I parted from the group, and that would be the last time anyone would ever lead me where I did not want to go. I was in control of my own destiny now. Nothing could ever get in my way…or bring me down again. Somewhere away from the elves I would find a life. I would not think about it ever again after I paid a visit to Frodo…for that would bring me pain and I would remember every moment.   
  
It was a beautiful sky, dark and coudy, but it was a beautiful sky. I stood there drenched from head to toe. I was free. But somehow…I did not want to be free. I wanted to be home. I wanted…  
  
I no longer had that luxury…not after what I had been through. Not after the things that I had done. I would have to live with that. There was no use wishing for what could not be or would never happen. I had to work with what I had, and set aside my dreams. Maybe one day…all would be well again. Maybe one day…I could go home.  
  
But not for a very long time. Not while the pain was too great to bear. Not while blood was still fresh on my hands and what I had done still clear in my mind.   
  
I would get into the castle…and give Frodo what belonged to him, then I would leave.  
  
* * * 


	27. An Unexpected Visitor

Author's note : *hugs* Miss Hobbit. I promise…it'll happen!!! Anyway, I decided against having Aragorn go find Legolas.   
  
Random announcement : YES I'm a Pervy Hobbit Fancier! Arooo!  
  
ARAGORN'S POV  
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CHAPTER 27 : An unexpected Visitor  
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Finally…we had managed to put him back to sleep, it had taken time, and a lot of cajoling to get him to go to sleep but in the end, he was too tired to argue. I had tucked the blankets around him and fluffed up the pillows. I sat in the shadows by the window watching over him. He was fragile, and I wish I had more time to keep an eye on him. I doubted he would fare well on the journey home right now and had suggested to Arwen that he be brought first to Rivendell where Elrond could tend him for a time.  
  
He was not dreaming this time, too exhausted I think. I sighed looking at him. He'd been through a lot, and we should never have asked it of him. He deserved to be home in the Shire. He deserved to be happy, and I hoped…hoped that one day he would find that happiness. But the wound caused by the Witch-King at Weathertop…that wound would be with him forever. And I did not know how long it would take for him to get over the trauma of the Tower.  
  
I stirred…I could hear someone coming down the hallway...unfamiliar steps. Someone opened the door to Frodo's room. I couldn't tell immediately for it was dark save only for the candlelight at Frodo's bedside. The person crept into the room…and I was immediately on my guard., couching low on the other side of the bed. I peered up to look at them.   
  
They wore a cloak and veil as well as gloves. I could not tell at first whether or not it was a female or male. They also wore dark clothing, obscuring the rest of their body. But what happened next caused me to act. I drew my dagger quickly, without sound when I saw a glint of silver in the palm of their hand as they began to approach Frodo. "An Assassin." I thought to myself.  
  
I lept up with a cry and flung myself in his direction. "GUARDS!" I bellowed towards the open door and began to grapple with him. He was stronger than I expected, the veil covered everything but his eyes, a striking blue…much like Frodo's…Right now they held a survival instinct that glittered as he struggled with me. My eyes flew open in surprise when he managed to disarm me…and it seemed I would have to rely on my fists.   
  
It didn't take long for six large guards to blunder into the room followed closely by Arwen, brandishing their arms. It was to this that Frodo began to waken and Arwen immediately went to his side. "Help the King!" she ordered the guards.  
  
They really couldn't, I had not put myself in a position that would make it easy for them. We struggled to get access to the dagger, but then…the person I was fighting cried out in pain. I must have hit a weak spot…or old wound. I didn't know. The cry…was not the cry of a man. I continued to fight none the less, and was surprised at how much strength she put into trying to escape. She was cornered….whoever this assassin was. She leapt up, but I tackled her and we hit the wall.   
  
"What's going on?" I heard Frodo's voice come weakly from his bed.  
  
"Its alright, Frodo." Arwen said softly, trying to soothe him.  
  
She swore…in elven…and grimaced in pain as I held her fast. I blinked…Arwen's head swiveled towards us. I whirled her around and held her against the wall so that she was facing me. "Please…" she begged me. "Don't…"  
  
Frodo gasped.  
  
I yanked the veil down, my temper had built up too much and I needed to see who had tried to attack Frodo. My eyes opened wide when I saw her. Even in the shadows I could see the destruction to once fair flesh. Arwen put her hand to her mouth in shock.  
  
"Merilas…" Frodo's voice came to me. "Aragorn…stop…"   
  
The guards stood where they were, and I slowly let her put the veil back on and then removed the gloves from both hands, when I saw what I was looking for…the birthmark of the rose…I stepped back. Letting her go. She caught her breath, her hands trembling. I looked back at the six guards…they had all seen it…and I ordered them out of the room, saying it was a false alarm. With the door closed, I looked back at the elf standing in the shadows. "Light another candle, Arwen." I bade my Queen.  
  
She did light the candle on the other side of Frodo's bed, illuminating the shadows. The one Frodo called Merilas stood where she was for a long moment.  
  
"Merilas?" Frodo looked at her curiously…hope lingering in his voice. "It -is- you…you're alive…"  
  
"Yes." she sighed softly and made her way forward. "I did not wish to disturb you, Frodo. But only meant to come to give you this…and then move on." In the palm of her hand was a small pendent, made of mithril. It was carved as a fire surrounded by a spring and both Arwen and I knew from whom it had come. "It had been among your things…and I knew that you would never get them back when I was recaptured… so I kept this…and meant to find you one day." she put the pendant in Frodo's little hand and he began to cry.  
  
"Merilas…" he opened his arms and the elleth took him into hers in a warm embrace. He clung to her as he never had anyone else. "Thank-you." he whimpered. "Thank-you…for everything. I thought…I thought you were dead…I had killed you…"  
  
"Frodo." Merilas patted him on the back tenderly. I could tell she must be keeping her emotions under control. She held him as he cried…rocking him gently. . Arwen was looking at the door and I followed her gaze.  
  
Legolas stood there…his gaze fixed on the elleth who held Frodo in her arms.   
  
Frodo shook Merilas lightly and motioned her to look around. "Merilas…" and he really smiled for the first time since he returned from Mt. Doom. I wondered then…just how much she had helped him. For he certainly seemed to care a great deal about her. "Meri…look around…"  
  
Merilas then turned, and her eyes widened as she found herself staring at the Prince of Mirkwood. It was impossible to read her expression…she had since put the veil back on.  
  
Legolas cleared his throat. "Elbereth…" he looked at her and Arwen reached over to hold my hand.   
  
Frodo laughed…his eyes were shining…and he coughed just then…still he was not entirely well. "She's alive." was all he could say.   
  
Legolas moved towards the bed and got down on his knees. He looked up at Merilas who was frozen, almost…it seemed…in shock. He took one of her hands and saw the birthmark. He also saw the scars…and his heart caught in his throat. His fingers traced over her scars and looked up at her…searching her eyes….trying to find something…anything to say. Nothing was coming to mind and neither of them could speak.  
  
"Arwen…" Frodo glanced over to her….rubbing his chest, still feeling some pain in his throat no doubt. "I'm a little hungry…can we…is there anything to eat?"  
  
"We'll get something for you in the kitchen." Arwen gathered Frodo up in her arms after tucking him into a blanket,, and she as well as I knew that Legolas and Merilas had to be alone. Frodo was smiling as we carried him out of the room, his head nestled against Arwen's shoulder as he watched Legolas and Merilas.  
  
* * *   
Author's Note : The Pendant. The pendant is from another tale that I wrote Dreams and Rings. You don't have to read that to understand what is going on here. Frodo promised to bring the Pendent back to the elf that gave it to him while he was healing after Weathertop (And I haven't even written that part yet in Dreams&Rings). That's all you really need to know. Don't worry, I'm not asking you to read another of my stories.J  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
3.) Merilas sneaks in the room to leave the pendent. She sees Frodo asleep and decides against disturbing him.  
4.) Aragorn attacks Merilas, he thinks she's there to assassinate Frodo.  
5.) There's a fight.  
6.) Arwen enters the room with a number of guards.  
7.) Frodo hears Merilas' voice and starts to speak her name as they begin to drag her away and starts to speak her name.  
8.) Aragorn pulls off her gloves and sees the birthmark.  
9.) Frodo calls out for Merilas. 


	28. A Dire Prediction

Author's Note : I recommend tissue!  
  
ARWEN POV  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------CHAPTER 28 : A Dire Prediction  
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I sat Frodo in my lap at the large table. There was certainly a great deal of food left over from the feast, but searching through it for more edible and less harsh on the throat types of food for the little hobbit was a difficult task. While Aragorn spent his time with that, I cradled Frodo gently in my arms, rocking him a little. He was really happy, I could tell, for the first time...probably since Rivendell. I smiled down at him as I brushed a cool cloth over his forehead and his cheeks. He was looking at his pendent, and I knew who he was thinking about. He coughed just then, a miserable sound that came from deep in his chest. It worried me a little...for I had a feeling it was more than just a cough.  
  
I was glad that I had wrapped him in a blanket before bringing him down to the kitchen. Aragorn finally found a bit of chocolate pudding...and some left over mashed potatos and cream corn soup. "What about the Jelly? Is there any of the Apple-wine Jelly left?" I asked Aragorn after nodding to him gently...that sounded like something Frodo might be able to eat. I needed something to soothe his throat. Something strong...that would help his chest. I knew it hurt...and though he was happy...he was in pain.  
  
"I want to stop in Rivendell..." he said softly. "I need" then his body shook with a series of coughs that made me think he was starting to lose his breath.  
  
"I know, Frodo." I told him slowly, turning him against me so I could rub his back, he did not want to take his eyes from the pendent so it was difficult to maneuver him, and he continued to cough, a dry rasping sound. "Breathe Frodo...easy now little one..."  
  
"I'm trying..." his words were hoarse as his breath began to come in small short gasps. He really was working at it, I could tell. "My stomach...hurts..." he whimpered softly. And I knew why...he was hungry...but lately his throat must have hurt him too much to get anything more than a little bit down. I wish I had paid more attention. Aragorn had found a bit more of the jelly...one bowlfull, but it would be enough. I did not believe that he had enough of an appetite to want more. Aragorn helped me to maneuver him back so that we could feed him, and while I bathed his chest and his neck with the cloth, the King put a bit of the jelly on a spoon.  
  
"Frodo...this is a bit strong, maybe too strong for your taste. There's wine in it..white wine...but I've mixed a bit of cream with it so it might taste better. It will not make your throat hurt though."   
  
Aragorn's voice was softer than I had ever seen him use it with anyone, save myself. I smiled at him then, my eyes shining into his. He was worth everything and more. I love you. I mouthed to him gently while I held the small hobbit in my arms. He smiled at me in return and I could tell he felt the same.   
  
Frodo was being somewhat difficult, there was only one thing he wanted to do right now, look at his pendent. We knew he was hungry, he just wanted the pain to go away…and I was aware…as well as the King was…that whenever he held it…it helped him somehow.   
  
Finally, after a great deal of cajoling, the King managed to get Frodo to open his lips. The hobbit grimaced slightly at the taste of apples doused in wine, but it did go down, and he was surprised when he did not feel any pain. He dragged his gaze away from the pendent and nodded for some more.  
  
I stroked his curls while Aragorn continued to feed him, talking to him gently about a tale of Rivendell, gleaning his attention from the pendent. Frodo eventually slipped it back into his pocket and smiled a little, his eyes widening as the King weaved the romantic tale. Before he knew it...we had managed to get the whole bowl into him and his breathing had become a bit more regular. He was hot still though, and sleepy. "I want to see Merilas..." he whimpered softly.   
  
"In a while, Frodo, I'd like you to eat some of this soup, please...Get something more down you before we take you back upstairs. Give Legolas and Merilas some time alone." he reached over and touched the hobbit's chin. He looked to me, and spoke quickly in elvish. "I believe its pneumonia...and a very serious case if his cough is anything to go by...we must get him back to his bed soon and prepare for the worst. If he had told me...if he had told anyone about it before...we might have been able to counter it a lot faster."  
  
I held Frodo tightly in my arms, for I knew what the worst might be. In his current condition, and after everything that he had been through...death was entirely possible.   
  
And from the look in the King's eyes…most likely. I shivered, I knew now why Aragorn wanted him to eat. In the coming days he would want food less and less, and now that he had him here, he was going to get as much food as he could possibly manage into the Hobbit. Frodo whimpered just a little, "I'm a little…cold." he said softly. "Is…is the soup warm?"  
  
"Yes Frodo." Aragorn nodded, "Take just a little at a time…but as much as you possibly can. You have not eaten enough lately…and we must take care to build your appetite." His demeanor was as pleasant and soft as it was before, and if I hadn't heard what was wrong…I would not have suspected anything.  
  
The apple-jelly had loosened his stomach muscles up a little and he was still feeling hungry...so he did comply. Corn was something he did like, though Im sure he would have preferred mushroom soup. Another tale accompanied the bowl of corn while I arranged the blanket a bit more around Frodo, and dabbed a cloth against his back...which felt warm and taunt.  
  
I winced a little when I saw the marks there. Weals. I wanted to cry then, hed been through so much. Why did he have to go through more pain? But it was not for me to say...nor for me to govern the will of the Valar. Twas they who decided the fate of the world and those within it. Perhaps Frodo was destined to remain as he was...never quite strong enough.  
  
What reason could there be to take the life from so small a being? To hold his happiness at bay. I felt guilty...being as happy as I was with Aragorn when I knew that the one person who deserved it the most, the small hobbit in my arms…might never be so.  
  
I knew that he might never be able to get over what happened to him. That he would always carry the pain from the blade that had pierced his shoulder. I vowed just then that Aragorn and I would not rest until he was strong enough to return to Rivendell so that he could be at peace. I would not let him die. I would not. He would fight this, as he fought everything in his life. This was not his fate. This was not his destiny. It could not be...not after all he had done for us. I would not let it be.  
  
* * * 


	29. The Heart of an Elf

Author's Note : Um...not much to say but I wish I was Merilas.J  
  
  
MERILAS POV  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------CHAPTER 29 : The Heart of an Elf  
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We were alone, the candlelight flickering about us. He did nothing with my veil just yet and moved to sit next to me. With a small sound from deep within him he slid one arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him. I lay my head against his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. We sat there for a long time, his fingers caressing the edge of my shoulder. Finally he spoke.   
  
"Merilas…I…" He took a deep breath and was trying to find the words to talk to me. To tell me what was in his heart. I looked away from him still, and I did not want him to see the rest of me. He was still so beautiful…still clean. He was still an elf. He had not done the things I had done. "I have been looking for you…I never stopped…"  
  
"Don't talk." I shook my head, I didn't want to know what he had been doing…or thinking. I just wanted to rest in his arms. Even if it was only for a few moments in time.   
  
I don't know what was going through his head, but he wouldn't let me just rest. He lifted up my head and I could tell he wanted to see my face…so I pulled away from him, turning slightly to the side.   
  
"Whatever they did to you…" Legolas took a deep breath. I knew he was stealing himself, trying to prepare a reaction. His next words surprised me somewhat. "I'll blame myself for it throughout all the ages." he reached out his hand and touched my hair. It had been long since I had bathed well, and I winced. "Don't turn away from me…"  
  
I looked back at him, "You have no idea what I have been through, Legolas." I pulled away again, and his hand fell to his side. "You cannot expect me to fall into your arms and let everything be right with the world again. I'm not some fairy princess, and you are not a knight in shining armor. Its too late for that. I'm no longer an elf…that part of me…is dead forever. You must go back to Mirkwood…and never think of me again. I did not wish to be seen when I came here today."  
  
I saw his jaw twitch, and I knew what I said hurt him. He took a breath. "I do not think that is true…or you would not have helped Frodo…he was happy to see you…when I think..When I think of what they must have…" he shuddered, and I smiled just a little, though he could not see it.  
"It wasn't my choice to help him, Legolas. Not at first. He was just another prisoner…and I had tended many." I shook my head. "I'm not an angel, and I'm not going home. My hands…and my heart have seen too much death. Go now…I….don't want to be with you." my heart thumped in my chest as I controlled every emotion. He deserved better than me, and I was not going to keep him here. I didn't want his pity. I don't know what he expected I'd do when he found me, but I did know that I couldn't…  
  
He looked away, hiding the pain in his eyes, then his chin set and he looked back. He reached out, quick as a snake and grabbed me, dragging me to him. I was a little too surprised to struggle at first, and he took advantage of that. He held me fast, his free hand coming up to remove my veil.  
  
"Please, don't…" I begged, but he ignored me, and it fell away. A long moment passed as his eyes widened He brought his hand up to touch the rough skin of my cheek, running over the scars, and then up…to my ears…mutilated by orcish jewels…and then my nose and forehead. It felt hot…and I was near tears…but then his eyes focused on my lips where a jagged scar still remained from when I had bit Shagrat. Color drained from his face and he held me, shaking.   
  
He was shaking with anger, I suddenly realized, gazing up at him. His gaze was terrible as he looked away from me trying to control himself. A ragged howl escaped his lips as he cried out an elven curse on orcs, and then he began to cry as he looked back at me. "I'm sorry…" he breathed between sobs, "I did this to you…What you must have gone through…" he reached back up again to cup my cheek. "Oh…Elbereth…Merilas what have I done?"  
  
"You did nothing." I looked at him…my expression was softening. I felt no pain anymore…but he was feeling everything for me. A wash of emotions he'd never experienced before. "Listen to me…" I said seriously, "Legolas…It was not your fault. If anyone's it was mine for insisting that I came with you that day."  
  
"I should have protected you, but I failed." he shook his head, "I broke a vow to my father…letting you be captured. I will never forgive myself….never."  
  
He gazed at me like a dying man in a desert would look at his last bottle of water, and I looked back at him, searching his eyes. He saw me…yes…but I also saw something else in his eyes. He still wanted me. And that was when he lowered his head and his lips met mine. "Legolas…no…" I murmured against him. But the comment was lost in the night. He held me there, and continued to kiss me….seeking…absolution…anything I supposed. I responded in kind. I wanted him, but in the back of my mind a warning bell rang its sad toll. I could not have him.  
  
"I love you." he said softly in elvish, once it was done, and I had no response. I did not know if I loved him. I did not know if I could love at all. I had kept a hold on my emotions so long.  
  
"Legolas.." I said softly, my hand stoking his cheek. I had no answer for him. I had no answer for myself…or anyone.  
  
Just then…Arwen and Aragorn came back into the room with Frodo, saving me from responding. Legolas and I stood up from the bed, and neither the King nor the Queen paid any attention to our position. The Elven Prince regained his composure while Arwen tucked Frodo back into the covers. He was couging again and he smiled at me weakly.  
  
"Everything will be alright." his eyes fluttered, smiling…but I saw the redness in his face, heat from what had begun to ail him. His little hand reached out to me and I clasped it, moving away from Legolas. Frodo needed me now…The Prince would have to wait. I think he knew…he knew what had passed between us somehow.   
  
"What is wrong with him?" I asked the King and Queen.  
  
"If we do not manage to bring this fever down." Aragorn said softly in elvish. "He will die."  
  
Frodo stirred, wincing. I looked down at him…the small hobbit had faced worse things in the Tower…why now was this suddenly bringing him to such a pass. "Frodo." I sat down on the bed. "I'm here now. "  
  
"I know, Meri…" his voice was a hoarse whisper. "I need…I need to get well…I must get to Rivendell…Help me…Please…"  
  
And what else could I do? It seemed I would not be leaving so soon as I thought. Legolas put his hand on my shoulder. A hand I had longed to have for so many years…a comfort that I had thought lost to me forever. I looked back at him…and tried to smile…but returned my attention to the Hobbit as the King and Queen began to explain what needed to be done.  
  
* * * 


	30. Comfortably Numb

FRODO'S POV  
  
Warning : Tissue needed.J  
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CHAPTER 30 : Comfortably Numb  
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There is nothing like feeling you are close to death and having your body go numb. I couldn't feel anything, really…and yet every movement was painful. I was thinking about the Tower again, though I was vaguely aware that I wasn't there anymore. I could not get it out of my mind. Everytime it was cold…or I felt pain…I remembered, and I could not forget. Because I could not forget…it made it worse.   
  
My mind churned back to the events surrounding my capture…I remembered…a feeling of drowning…but I was not in water…they were pouring something…over my head…water I think…but it was not clear and cool….at least I don't remember it that way…and there had been something under my chin…I coughed and then began to choke, sputtering and coughing…struggling with the hands that were holding me down. I had to breathe. My wrists were bound and I couldn't move…I felt the rope burning into my skin as I tried to cry out…but if I opened my mouth water would rush in… I vaguely heard someone's voice trying to soothe me…but the memory had leapt up in my mind and was clinging to it. …I was freezing…."You must drink something." I heard a male voice...Aragorn?  
  
"Frodo…" I heard someone speaking…Arwen…I thought…maybe…Someone was holding me…I felt their arms around me…and I relaxed just a little. I could …no…"You must drink something…" I shook my head furiously and buried myself against the one who was holding me…rocking me. I felt cold…but I also felt hot at the same time. My body was shivering…and there was so much pain…that I was becoming almost numb.  
  
I didn't open my eyes yet…I felt something soft rubbing against my skin. A towel of some sort? A little bit later I felt fingers rubbing a cream into my chest…and there were vapors that rose from the cream. Merilas was singing…I could hear her sweet voice…were those her arms around me? Then I must still be in the tower…But I also heard Arwen and Aragorn…was I dreaming? I was beginning to be able to breathe again…a little…though it hurt with every breath I took. Why didn't they just leave me to die...I'd wanted that for so long...but they kept pushing me...kept looking for strength. I was tired of being strong. Just...tired...  
  
"He is not drinking anything...he will dehydrate if he does not take anything down soon." Arwen's voice was clear and musical through the misty darkness.  
  
"He -must- drink before we put him in the bath so that we can make him sweat." Aragorns voice was firm...but soft.  
  
"Let me try..." I heard Merilas speaking quietly. "Frodo..." she called to me. I was afraid to answer...afraid to wake up from the dream...of where I would be. "Don't answer." she said softly...cradling me. I was confused a little, but I tried hard to collect myself enough to listen to her. "This is juice, Frodo. Nice cool apple juice...not that foul stuff that I gave you before. Listen to me Frodo. You are not there. You are safe...we are free. Please...you must drink."  
  
The burning on my wrists was beginning to sooth and I felt someone rubbing one of them... A tender motion that was easing the pain…little by little. I parted my chapped lips, trusting her...I didnt know why I did...I just did. Then I felt the liquid pass by my lips and my tongue quivered in relief. But as it passed my tongue...it scorched my throat and I gave a hoarse cry...turning away my head...and sputtering.  
  
'"It hurts..." I gasped. "No more..." whimpering, I buried my face back into her shoulder, shivering once again. "C-cold...More blankets...please..."  
  
As another blanket was wrapped around me Aragorn's voice came to me then. "Let me take that glass...I have an idea." I did not know what it was he did, for I still did not open my eyes. After a while...I felt my head being turned around...very gently and I cringed away, expecting the glass to be brought to my lips again. It hurt even to part them...I wanted...I -was- thirsty...but...I opened my eyes to look up at Merilas...blinking back tears of pain.   
  
"This might help." She whispered kindly. Between her fingers was a small dropper...like that one would use to feed a baby animal. I squirmed slightly at the idea..."Just a few drops at a time..." I felt...exposed...lying there...I didn't feel as though I had anything on but my breaches. And yet...strangely comforted by the look in her eyes. There was only one other who could stir that expression...and make me feel...Finally I remembered where I was and where I needed to be...and I nodded slightly.  
  
It was cool...the drops...she inserted it into my lips, and I hardly had to do a thing. I closed my eyes, as I felt the liquid trickle down my red swollen throat. It was like having an ice cube pass over a burn...I shivered...but it felt better this time.  
  
"He's taking it." Arwen smiled softly, I believe she was the one who was rubbing my wrists, and as I opened my eyes weakly…I realized I was right. I tried to smile…but it hurt.  
  
I heard Legolas in the background. "We've brought the hot water…" he and Aragorn were now speaking in low tones.   
  
"Merilas?" I murmured softly. "Is everything okay now? Did he…?Did you…" I tried to talk… I did want to know. I wanted her to be happy…and…I struggled a bit. I wanted to be able to sit up.  
  
"Yes we talked, Frodo." She stroked my hair gently. "Everything is fine." She would not let me distract her from her task however…and soon I think the dropper was finished...but she filled it again. I cringed a little...I didn't want it again. "One more, Frodo."  
  
"Did…did you Are you going back to Mirkwood?" I asked fretfully. If she was going home…maybe I could too. I looked up at her, then looked over to Legolas who had overheard me. He looked at Meri, but she did not look back at him, she was focused upon me.  
  
"That is not decided, Frodo. Don't you worry about me. You just think about yourself right now." She smiled kindly, and began to cajole me into opening my mouth once again. I sighed, closing my eyes…and relented.  
  
Legolas was close to us, and I opened my eyes once again. I saw him lay his hand on Merilas' shoulder and look down at her. I knew then that he loved her...even after everything she had been to...and what was done to her. I looked up at him. If he did...then...then it was possible....I looked away. No. I didn't want to think about that. I just had to...accept what was bound to happen when I returned to Rivendell. If I returned to Rivendell.  
  
I closed my eyes again and lay my head against her shoulder. They lifted me out of the bed...and I felt someone help me undress completely. I was confused for a moment...but it was not like the time ...back in... the tower...with those awful hands clawing me...stripping every last ounce of dignity away.   
  
I shivered and I felt myself being lifted into a steamy bath. The water...smelt vaguely of chamomile...but it was hot...very hot. I squirmed and struggled a bit. "Too hot..."  
  
Aragorn's voice was stern...but gentle at the same time. "We must bring down the fever. Do not let him struggle." I tried to feel indignant...having someone else bathe me was not my favorite thing in the world. It did not seem that I had a choice and all I could do was curl up against the side of the tub.   
  
Someone was there to hold my head. Water was run through my curls, and I felt something creamy against my skin. I was fading quickly though...tired...so tired...  
  
The aroma from the soap was strangely comforting and I felt someone massaging my back while I lay curled against the tub. Eucalyptus…I remembered Bilbo using it once. He had said that if mixed in the right way and applied in the proper manner it could reduce stress…and it always seemed to work before. I felt my skin tingle, and I sighed…I was a little numb still…but now…no longer numb with pain…just comfortable…my body was slowly beginning to relax.  
  
"Its working." I heard Arwen's soft voice. "How long should he be in the water?"  
  
"About an hour." Aragorn's voice.   
  
And there they did keep me…I still felt hot…but strangely relaxed. I knew I was sweating fiercely. Once the treatment was complete I was lifted into a towel and dried off. I felt lethargic…I didn't want to move. It felt nice now…very nice…I wanted to sleep. Arwen tucked me into the bed and then she nodded to Legolas. "He needs warmth….and Aragorn and I must attend a council. You and Merilas must care for him now. We will return soon."  
  
I don't know exactly how it happened…only that once they were out of the room I felt Legolas on one side…and Merilas on the other. It was much like sleeping between Aragorn and Arwen…but only…much nicer. I opened my eyes and saw her looking at Legolas…and him looking at her. I smiled in content and snuggled into the covers. I could sleep…even if the fever was still high…and my throat felt sore.   
  
I felt sure that I felt him take her hand.  
  
* * * 


	31. Come Home

Author's Note : It's a Happy chapter…honestly…I think…Well! I tried anyway! For Elerrina and Mindel! J Who were running out of tissues.J Hmp. Where's Sam…hm. Resting.J I think I mentioned that in the original chapter when they got to Minas Tirith… but not sure. Sam is worn out just about as much as Frodo…he's a Ring Bearer too. Its only been a couple of nights since he's sick anyway. I'll work it into the next chapter when Frodo's feeling better. There's only going to be maybe two more chapters I think…then I'll work more on Dreams and Rings. There's only so much more I can write about this one. But I'll at least make sure you all know what happens to Merilas.  
  
MERILAS POV  
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CHAPTER 31 : Come home…  
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He was lying curled up like an angel between us, resting peacefully for once. He was still too warm to the touch…but at least his body stopped shaking. Legolas' hand was over mine still and when Frodo finally fell to sleep I withdrew my hand and stroked the Hobbit's curls while he slept, looking away from the Elven Prince.  
  
"He's right you know…" Legolas said softly, his voice carefully guarded. He did not want to frighten me…I could tell.  
  
"What about?" It was unsettling…the way he seemed to be looking -into- me, and not at me.   
  
"I want you to come back with me. To come home." he took a deep breath. "There is magic…and herbs and…"  
  
"Legolas." I shook my head and looked at him. "There is no magic that will make me forget." and for some reason he flinched.  
  
"Even love? Do you….do you still …" Legolas tried to continue, but he found that he lacked the courage to really ask. But I knew what his question was.  
  
"Love you?" I looked seriously at him still soothing the hobbit as he slept.   
  
He nodded, holding my vision.  
  
"Yes." I said simply, "I never stopped loving you. That is not the issue."  
  
"Then what is?" His voice rose a touch and then fell as he remembered Frodo. :"Merilas…I know it wasn't perfect before…we were fighting a lot…and I never seemed to really want to do anything with you. But…I wanted you to grow up…to experience life before…before tying yourself."  
  
I laughed softly, a dry sound…it wasn't really laughter. "And now that I have experienced life? Legolas… I can't go home with you." I shook my head. "Its over for me in the Elven World. I'm going to the Gray Havens. Then to Valinor. I will step away from the lands of Middle earth never to be seen again. My wounds are deep…deeper than flesh. There are things…things that I have done…I don't think I could ever tell you."  
  
"No." he shook his head. "No…not yet…Please…stay a while…at least? Then…" He took a deep breath. "Then if you must leave I will not stand in your way." It was with great pain that he said those words, I could tell. I hated hurting him…but…it just simply would not work out…not with everything that had happened. I could not forget. I did not even know if I could let him love me in a physical way. "I will take you there…when you have to go…but I cannot leave my people."  
  
"I know, Legolas." I reached over and touched his cheek this time, wiping away a tear that was trickling down it.   
  
"Bestow upon me a year…" he looked at me. "One … out of all the ages. That's all I ask of you….and I will ask no more. Let me take care of you…make you happy again…Let me…be with you."  
  
We looked at eachother then and I knew it was killing him to agree to let me go. He'd spent the last 15 years looking for me. I relented and smiled softly and nodded. "You shall have it." And he kissed the palm of my hand. "But I make no guarantees of what you shall have from me."  
  
"I love you. All I want…is for you to be with me." The Prince assured me…and I knew that he did. No one who loved another so well as he…would agree to such terms as I had laid before him.  
  
Frodo's eyes fluttered open a little, when he witness Legolas kissing my hand his lips curved into a smile. "May I…May I have something to drink please?" he begged softly.  
  
* * * 


	32. Keeping Promises

Author's Note : I couldn't quite figure out how to finish this on a happy note, so I decided to use the D&R story a bit here so that I could end things on a happy note. Frodo should be happy for once especially since this whole fic has made everyone buy more tissues….There will maybe be … two more chapters after this. One with Aragorn and Arwen taking care of Frodo on the Road…and then his arrival in Rivendell.J  
  
I'm planning a new fic, and was going to take a poll. Please email me or leave it in reviews. Which one do you want me to write first?  
  
1) Between Moria and Lothlorien : Legolas and Aragorn are forced to stop the group in order to deal with something that ails Frodo. (Much ado about the Ring)  
2) Young Frodo. (Age 32) Young Pippin (Age 10) Young Merry (Age 18) Young Sam (Age 17). The four hobbits get into trouble when Pippin slips into the Bywater pool in the middle of winter. A sudden snowstorm prevents them from getting back to BagEnd and they have to stay at the house of one of Sam's relations. The Widow Roper. A strange old lady hobbit. Frodo and Pippin -both- sick.  
  
Arwen's POV  
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CHAPTER 32 : Keeping Promises  
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As the day went on, Frodo did in fact eat something in the morning, but towards the afternoon…he became fretful and anxious. He had slept…and had seemed to be on the mend. Gradually though he became distant…and less than cooperative. He wanted to be left alone. I could tell. Merilas and Legolas had done their best to comfort him, and indeed seeing her had helped. But…there was one other that he wanted to see, and I was not certain if risking it was necessarily a good thing. He could die on the journey in his condition.  
  
"Arwen…he needs to go to Rivendell." Aragorn's voice was quiet…but steady..  
  
"He is too weak…he may not make the journey." I shook my head softly. "We might bring her here…"  
  
"You know that with Saruman still at large that is impossible. Your father will never permit it." Aragorn shook his head. "We must get him to Rivendell. And -soon-. Why not now…when he is comforted and able to travel?"  
  
"We cannot leave Gondor…" I frowned slightly, I was not eager to take Frodo across the country in his current condition. He could worsen. He was stable for the moment.  
  
"Yes we can." Aragorn nodded. "It has been arranged."  
  
Frodo stirred in my arms, opening his eyes. "Arwen…" his voice was still hoarse. "Arwen I want to go…" his eyes gazed up at me, and I knew what was in there.   
  
"But Frodo…you may not survive…"  
  
"I don't want to die here." he shook his head furiously, "At least…at least …if we go…" he coughed, and I rubbed his back gently. "I will have tried…even if I die on the journey…and Sam…Sam needs to get home too…seeing Rivendell…will help him. Please…"  
  
I looked at Aragorn, searching his gaze for a time. I was unsure. Unwilling to risk Frodo's life on a journey that he might not finish. I stroked his hair gently as the hobbit gazed up at me. He bit his lip…trying to hold back a wince, I was sure.  
  
"Merilas and Legolas will want to return to Mirkwood soon, but I think we can convince them to go to Rivendell. Perhaps Elrond will be able to help." Aragorn reached over and took my hand in his. "You know…as well as I…who is in Rivendell that can help Frodo."  
"Please, Arwen…I'll…" Frodo coughed again…he could not hold it back this time and tears sprang into his eyes from the pain. "I'll do my best…I can make it."  
  
I looked down at Frodo then, and that was a mistake…for his eyes captured mine and held me there for a time. He'd been through a terrible ordeal, and we'd done our best here to heal him and take care of his wounds. But there was suffering in his eyes still that would never go away entirely. He was haunted by the events that had happened around him and to him. He needed….someone to understand him…without question, or judgment…and above all…unconditionally. His wounds ran deep, and some would always be with him. I feared that if he remained in Middle Earth…he would always feel the pain of them, and never truly heal. I wanted to help him, but there was only so much I could do. The rest he needed to do himself. Even if he had not been captured that one time…the Ring would have still left an imprint that no one in these lands could heal.   
  
I let my hand cup his cheek, and one finger wipe away a tear, and then I looked at Aragorn who was gazing at me. "Let him make the choice, Arwen. It is his to make. We have done all we can for him."  
  
"Frodo." I held him carefully. "This is very serious. The journey to Rivendell is long. You are still suffering from pneumonia. Its not completely taken control of you yet, but if we fail to be able to keep you warm between here and Rivendell the chances of death are high."  
  
He swallowed, "I would rather take the chance of death on the way than to stay here and let death take me …without once seeing…without keeping my promise. I promised….Arwen. I have to go. Maybe…maybe I'll get better on the way. Sometimes the fresh air helps."  
  
I sighed and realized that there really was nothing I could say that would persuade the Hobbit to stay put. I fluffed the pillows around him and smiled as best as I could. "Well Frodo." I glanced at the King and then looked back softly, at last…I relented. "We'll take you." My heart was heavy…but the look in Frodo's eyes was such relief that I smiled. At least…he would eat, and gain a little bit of strength before the journey.   
  
"Thank-you." he closed his eyes and nestled back into the pillows, his lips turned up into a smile. His breathing was still irregular…and his voice hoarse and dry. I was not yet convinced he would make it. In fact…fairly certain he would not.   
  
I tucked the covers around him and put a cool cloth against his warm neck and cheeks. The fever was beginning to subside today, probably due to the fact that Merilas and Legolas had been able to feed him earlier and get him some liquids. But he still needed more…and he needed most of all to be kept warm. Aragorn had said that Samwise was able to travel now, and the hobbits were all willing to make the journey with him.   
  
He'd have quite an escort…certainly. But there was still the problem that if he caught a chill…I frowned to myself as he passed into a fretful doze. I only hoped that this was the right thing to do…and the best thing for Frodo.  
  
Aragorn reached over and laid his hand on my shoulder, rubbing it gently. He smiled then…and I knew it was the only thing we -could- do.  
  
* * * 


	33. The Face of Love

Author's Note : Updates haven't been to regular just cause I've been feeling very poorly. Bad earache…like having shooting pains jolt through your head. Its draining today which makes it a bit better. I got a bit stressed out over the last weekend and I think I stressed out enough to make me sick. I'm feeling better now. I hope. I can certainly identify with Frodo's pain at the moment. But at my friend suggestion have started using a different medication. Seems to be working. For this chapter, Frodo is talking about Gailethil. The elf that is in my Dreams and Rings story. Everyone seemed to want a happy ending for him for once after all the pain and agony in this fic, so I decided to give him one. This is not the last chapter. There is -one- more!  
  
Frodo's POV  
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CHAPTER 33 : The Face of Love  
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They were using a carriage for most of the way to Rivendell for I needed to be lying down. Pillows were everywhere, and I was never without someone inside with me. Still…I couldn't get comfortable. Sam was there with me, talking endlessly about Bag End, trying to take my mind off of the pain. I faded in and out…and I didn't know how long…sometimes I woke and it was daytime…other times I woke and the sky was dark with stars. "Sam…?" I looked around when I woke up, we had stopped for the night, apparently.  
  
"Mr. Frodo?" Sam looked a bit bleary eyed as he came to my side. He'd been sleeping…I sighed, I hated waking people up…making them take care of me. But…  
  
"Where are we Sam?"  
  
"On the way, Mr. Frodo. Its been a week." He brought a cloth to my forehead and dabbed it against me. I shivered…not at the touch but because I was cold…too cold. There was no breeze…yet. He drew another blanket around me.  
  
"Will I make it Sam? If…If I don't…can you do something for me?" I looked up at him seriously. He blanched slightly.  
  
"You're going to make it Mr. Frodo, lets not hear any of that talk…"  
  
"Sam..PLEASE. Listen to me." I clutched his shoulder weakly. "If…If I don't. You have to promise me something."  
  
"Anything,…" tears sprang into Sam's eyes as he tried to steady me.  
  
"Return it…return it to her and tell her…please…" I coughed, pain was building in my chest again, but I had to get him to promise. "Tell her I…" and I couldn't focus my thoughts because of the pain that flooded into my upper chest. It was becoming difficult to breathe.  
  
"Aragorn!" Sam cried out.  
  
  
  
He tried to steady me...but I wanted to talk...it hurt. Tears filled my eyes and I saw Aragorn flip open the carriage door and step inside. He lifted me up so that I was resting against his arm, and had Sam rub my back. Everytime I tried to talk...nothing came out of my throat...like my voice was gone...I knew it wasn't though...it was just that it hurt...I stared up at Aragorn in fear. Arwen opened the door and she had some steaming hot tea.  
  
"Shh, Frodo..Don't try and talk..." Aragorn brushed back my hair and cradled me in his arms.  
  
I didn't want...so many people...too many people with me. I looked over at Sam...pleading. He didn't understand...then I looked over at Arwen. She...I think she understood.  
  
"Yes Frodo." Arwen said softly. "I'll tell her."  
  
I breathed a sigh of relief and closed my eyes, though tears still fell as she tried to get me to drink some of the tea. Throughout the night they tended to me, it was difficult at first…but Arwen's cajoling forced tea into me, Aragorn's gentle touch kept me calm…and Sam's devotion kept me sane. I couldn't talk…every time I tried it hurt deep in my throat…and they did their best to understand what I needed and wanted.   
  
Eventually…they had to move again in the morning…and I began to feel every bump in the road. I tried hard not to complain…or make any sounds that might cause them to stop once again. I felt bad enough as it was not being well enough to walk. It hurt…hurt that this was the last task I needed to do…and I did not have the strength to make it.   
  
My head was in Sam's lap as he doused my skin with the cool clothes repeatedly…keeping the temperature down. I shivered…opening my eyes. After everything that I had been through was I really going to let something like this take me down? I was tired of fighting…tired of working against nature. I didn't know what strength was left in me. I looked down at my hand…I was scarred…permanently. Maimed…by my own stupidity. How could I explain that? Would she ask…What could I tell her?  
  
Who would want someone like me, anyway? I was broken...there was nothing left for me in Hobbiton. No Hobbit lass would be able to deal with me the way I was. Children...I couldn't even think about that. Maybe Arwen was right...perhaps I should go to ValinorI had time to think about that too. I didn't know what I was going to do after I finished my book. To an elf...what was I? I did not even know if I could love. My emotions were in such turmoil, spilling over one day and cold as a stone the next. I felt overwhelmed with pain...and then I felt nothing. I just...lived. I didnt know. I didnt want her to look at me the way I was now...She would. She would take me up in her arms as she did before, and yet. If hat was all she'd ever give to me...it would be enough.   
  
Comfort is what I wanted...what I needed. I was not strong enough for anything else...and doubted I ever would be again. All I wanted...was to be told everything would be alright....and to know that it was true. I could not in all good sense...expect her to do anything other than comfort me. To feel anything...other than friendship. Merilas told me earlier that to love someone who is in pain is difficult, and that it showed great character in Legolas that he was able to look past her face and into her heart. Would it always be my fate to wonder whether love came from pity?  
  
I always have loved her. Since....since longer than I can remember. From the very first time we met as children...I knew that no matter what happened...no matter how she received me, I'd never stop. I spent 17 years wasting time...trying to figure out what the right thing to do was. I smiled vaguely, and it must have confused Sam a little he was trying to get me to drink something. I did comply then, I didn't have the strength to argue. What was the right thing anyway? I had nothing more to do than to decide what that was.  
  
But in order to do that...I had to get there. I had to face her. Days turned to nights and nights turned to days. The fever passed in and out, and my voice gradually returned, still hoarse. I began to grow colder and colder...shivering as though it was the dead of winter....We were passing through a familiar territory...and I began to remember. Riding alone...on a white horse...the wraiths behind me...I cried out in terror...and I felt someone trying to calm me down, but I saw it all again in my mind as we crossed the ford. My shoulder burned...throbbing with pain...and once again I was finding it hard to breathe....and my site was clouded by mists.  
  
"Come back..."  
  
"Come Back..."  
  
"To Mordor...we will take you."  
  
"Nooooo!" I cried out….they were gone…but…they were back…how… "By all the Shire...you shall have neither the ring....nor me!" I struggled against whomever was holding me down...and then...it was almost dark...and a great light began to build around me...flooding through my body...washing way my fear and dread...I felt like I was falling...and I heard an elven song...and that was all...   
  
The last thing I saw was the face of love, she was gazing down at me with a look in her eye that was everything I held dear in life...then a pleasant sleep came upon me and my body fell to it gladly. It had been long since I had slept without nightmares.  
  
"Melleth."  
  
It was over.   
  
Everything would be alright. 


	34. Together Ever After

Author's Note : This will be the last chapter…I may do a separate Fanfic with Legolas and Rose. But as far as this story is concerned…its over. For a short synopsis of who Gail is. She took care of Frodo a lot during his childhood and adult years. She is connected to the ring of power through the Valar.  
  
Frodo's POV  
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CHAPTER 34 : Together Ever After  
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I wondered for a brief moment if I had been dreaming. The past couple of weeks had been so filled with turmoil and pain that I couldn't really recall. I was fairly sure that I had seen her face…that we had made it to Rivendell. I felt strange as I was waking up…a soft bed…feathers and pillows. There was a scent of lavender and lilacs in the room as I breathed it all in. I was no longer outside…no longer riding in a carriage. I felt rested…and clean…and relaxed. This was the first time I had felt this way in…since…since the last time I was in Rivendell. I was here…I opened my eyes gradually. The room was familiar…sunlight was streaming in from the open windows and the fresh morning air filled the room. Was I alone? I opened my eyes further and looked from one side to the other…in a rocking chair near the bed she sat curled up. Someone had wrapped a blanket around her and she was resting, for her eyes were closed. I had never felt such relief. I closed my eyes and opened them again just to be sure…it wasn't a dream. I -was- here. I felt my chest, and glanced down…I was wearing a soft silvery-gray nightshirt. A thousand emotions ran through me at once. I wanted to leap out of bed and wake her up…and curl up with her…but something stopped me.   
  
I glanced down at my hand…then remembered how much had happened to me. How…different I was. I was maimed…and scarred…emotionally and physically. Nightmares plagued me…and half the time I felt like a helpless child. What did I have to offer her? She was so indomitable…constant…like a star. She had always been there for me. She'd always taken care of me when I needed her the most. But did that mean she loved me? I could never really tell. She was an elf…I was a hobbit…I would grow old and die someday…she would not…I could not really expect her to stand by me. I had to be practical. I was glad she was there….I really was….even if all she was there to do was to take care of me.  
  
I smiled…gazing at her as I lay in the pillows. ..knowing that she would waken soon. I wanted to watch her wake up for a change. I was safe. I sighed…memories were swimming in my mind and I strove to keep them at bay. I lay there…my throat was sore still…but I swallowed…looking around. There was a tray with fresh juice and water by my bed. I struggled into a sitting position and took the juice first, letting the cool liquid trickle into my throat and felt relief.  
  
The movement caught her attention, and she uncurled… I watched her, putting the juice down. She lifted her chin and stretched, her mouth opening in a slight yawn. Her eyes…as clear and blue as a bright summer sky fluttered open and she saw me watching her. I felt a blush creep up my neck as she held my gaze and smiled. I smiled back…feeling like a tweenager…my stomach was in knots. I cleared my throat and tried to speak…but fell into a fit of coughing instead.  
  
She rose and was instantly at my side, rubbing my back gently. She had me drink some more of the juice and steadied me carefully, neither of us had spoken yet…the moment was one to be treasured. I finally felt my breathing ease and I looked at her. She looked back at me and wrapped my hands within hers. I couldn't think of anything to say…my mind was swimming. I wanted to tell her I loved her. "I have it here." I finally managed a sentence. "I brought it back."  
  
  
"Frodo." she smiled at me. "Frodo, I know." What did she know? Did she know my heart? I searched her eyes. I couldn't tell. Elven emotion was hard to fathom...and often kept deep inside. I wanted...how could I explain? "You don't need to return it to me....I gave it to you." What did she mean? I stared at her, my eyes widening. I didn't understand...my mind went over a thousand things that she might mean...finding a reason that it couldn't be any of them.  
  
"But…" I began breathlessly. She put a finger to my lips hushing me. She knew my throat still hurt…and It was difficult to talk. She brushed my unruly curls back out of my eyes and leaned over and kissed my forehead.   
  
"You're safe. That's all that matters." she explained. I supposed she was right…but I didn't feel satisfied. There were things I needed to know. Things I needed to understand. Had she seen what had been done to me? Did she know about…everything I went through. Did she still think I was strong and whole…even if I really wasn't anymore. Did she…still want me? Did anything matter except that she was now holding me in her arms? Tears sprang to my eyes and though I fought to control them…they spilled over and continued to flow. I did not care what she felt…I realized. I knew that I was finally exactly where I wanted to be…that everything was over…that even if there was more still to take care of in the Shire…I had made it. And no matter what happened…whether she only wished to care for me and not to love me…at least I had made it back. I could go home to the Shire…write my book…and then decide whether or not I wanted to accept Arwen's proposal and journey to the Gray Havens.  
  
Then she pulled me back and looked at me seriously. "Frodo." she smiled and touched my cheek. "I gave you that to keep because there is only one person in this world who holds my heart and that is you. I have spoken…with Elrond and Arwen…and where you go I may follow. Now that you have freed me. Do you want that Frodo?"  
  
"What will happen in Valinor?" I asked…my eyes were still clouded with tears as I gazed at her. I did not know exactly what she was telling me…I was hoping…but I did not want to jump to conclusions.  
  
"You will have a choice to make in Valinor, Frodo. A choice of life. And I will be with you…to help you make it…"   
  
"Life with you?" I was beginning to understand.  
  
"Yes Frodo…life with me." Gailethil smiled softly and gazed at me. I did not know what I was going to do yet…I knew I was not ready to make the decision…so many things had to be done first. I nodded.   
  
My lips turned into a smile and the tears blinked away, "I'd like that."  
  
She held a similar smile…and responded with the same. "Me too."  
  
And then I knew…that whereas I had yet much to deal with…and much to mend…I would have someone with me who would help me deal with the memories and the pain. Finally…finally I would not be alone. Never alone again.  
  
I rested my head against her shoulder and everything felt right again. I thanked the Valar who brought me the people who helped me through this. I prayed that Merilas would also find happiness…and for those who lost their lives…and for those who followed me through thick and thin. The shadow and threat was gone.  
  
It was a new age.  
  
THE END 


End file.
